December 20, 2010

You Wish The Guys Who Texted You Were As Eloquent As Julian Assange

Culture, News, Scandal! No Comments

Julian Assange's love emails

Julian Assange, editor-in-chief of the brutally transparent whistle-blowing website Wikileaks, has been taking a lot of flack in the blogs recently for some e-mails he sent in 2004. Gawker called them “creepy” and NakedCity NY thinks they’re tragic imitations of the Mystery Method.

We beg to differ. Compared to the missives we receive, written by people with an impoverished vocabulary who abuse the ellipsis and who, for some reason, believe emoticons are a proper form of punctuation, Assange’s messages are a dream come true. He even made a little cipher!

Julian Assange's love emails

Come on, a cipher? That’s the hottest thing ever.

That’s not to say he didn’t make any errors. One should never persist after a woman makes it clear she doesn’t want to continue interacting, especially not by telephoning when she has not provided her phone number. But even his hurt, emo missives are artful:

Julian Assange's love emails

Julian Assange's love emails

“One girl’s weird, creepy stalker may well be — probably is — another girl’s dreamy totally romantic boyfriend,” writes Jen Doll at the Voice blog Runnin’ Scared. “If these emails are true (and the sexual molestation allegations are not), we think Assange would be a great catch for someone who’s a little bit nerdy, a little bit mathematical, a little bit needy, and way into poetical musings.”

Us, for example.

Alas, it looks like we’re going to have to settle for the brilliance of a partly-interested, “yo, where u at?” every three or so weekends. Yay for normal L.A. guys, etc. Gag.

E-mail screengrabs via Gawker.

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Sex and the 405 is what your newspaper would look like if it had a sex section.

Here you’ll find news about the latest research being conducted to figure out what drives desire, passion, and other sex habits; reviews of sex toys, porn and other sexy things; coverage of the latest sex-related news that have our mainstream media's panties up in a bunch; human interest pieces about sex and desire; interviews with people who love sex, or hate sex, or work in sex, or work to enable you to have better sex; opinion pieces that relate to sex and society; and the sex-related side of celebrity gossip. More...