The questions of whether couples should wait before having sex, and how long, and if it even matters, are robust perennials for news organizations, eager for traffic. Every year, a good handful of studies come out to feed the slow news days, and blogs trip over themselves to regurgitate the information, delighted to tap into fears or hit the jackpot of all things web: a slut- or virgin-shaming comment war to send those pageviews through the roof.
We’re no better. But instead of being snarky about the fact of course a Brigham Young University study found that having sex within the first month of dating led to the worst relationships, we’re going to focus on a compelling aspect of the discussion.
“What seems to happen is that if couples become sexual too early, this very rewarding area of the relationship overwhelms good decision-making and keeps couples in a relationship that might not be the best for them in the long-run,” researcher Dean Busby told LiveScience.
Past research has shown sex, specifically orgasm, enables bonding. Oxytocin, released during orgasm, is directly related to generosity and trust. With this in mind, we have to wonder: could early sex — early, dynamite sex — make it difficult, if not impossible to coolly assess a partner’s characteristics and values to ensure they are compatible with our own?
Worry not! We have found the middle ground! Enact an intensive screening period over social media for all potential suitors. Six months to a year should be enough to determine whether the person’s values, goals and communication skills are up to par.
Upon deciding a suitor is a match, go out. Feel free to skip dinner and get right to business. Reverse Asian cowgirl. Trust us.