April 2, 2010

Seeking The Ultimate Blowjob

Opinion 7 Comments

I love blowjobs. I’m male, so that pretty much goes without saying. But I really love blowjobs. Epic blowjobs. Intense, full depth, sloppy, slobbering, gagging, tearing, face-fucking, extended eye-contact, fully consuming blowjobs. The kind that cause you to take pause when you see or experience one unexpectedly. Again, that probably isn’t much of a revelatory statement coming from a man, but for me a proper blowjob is almost a fetish. In fact, it might be my one and only fetish. And that single sexual preference has unfortunately been an obstacle that has kept me from having a serious, long-term relationship for many years.

Now I don’t mean that in the most absolute sense. It’s not as if any girl I consider dating must have a total lack of or complete control over her gag reflex. There’s no chart at my front door that says “You Must Swallow This Many Inches to Ride the Zipper.” But it’s a preference. Just in the same way I’m sure size queens have liked, fallen for, and dated guys of average stature, but in the end realized they couldn’t be with someone who didn’t fulfill all their needs, both personal and physical. That’s where the trouble starts for me; finding the combination of both personal and physical chemistry.

Admittedly, I’m something of a contradiction. After a handful of wild years I’ve calmed down for the most part and settled into a slower lifestyle. I don’t go out that much anymore, and when I do, it’s usually to a more intimate bar with friends, rather than a loud, pulsing club full of expectation. But when it comes to sex, there’s no slowing down. Your libido doesn’t downshift. Or at least mine doesn’t. To miss-quote the genius comedian Jim Jeffries…

I want everything that everyone wants in this world. I want to fall in love, get married, have kids, all of that. But I’ve lived this life for so long that I can’t go back to nice girls because they’re shit in bed.

Once you push your limits a bit, experiment, and find something you enjoy there’s no undoing it. So, since I’m living with these two halves of myself, my ideal mate must be similarly bifurcated. A secret freak, like me.

Allow me to explain how difficult finding such a woman can be.

In my sexual experiences, I’ve found that maybe 7-10% of women give the kind of fellatio that I’m talking about. Unfortunately, so far I’ve only met two types of women in that percentage; party girls and BDSM enthusiasts. Now I have nothing against party girls, they’re part of the reason I discovered great head in the first place. But I’m not like that anymore, I’m older and tired and already have a commitment to Netflix.

So why not date the kinksters, you ask? Well, I have them to thank as well. They helped show me where my limits are. While I have no judgments against people who enjoy it, I have zero interest in anything BDSM-related. Sure, I’m obviously the dominant type in bed. I like to pull a woman’s hair, smack her ass a bit, get a little rough just for fun. But whenever games or rules or costumes or role-playing is involved, I lose interest. It’s too much work; I don’t really see the point. There are so many fun, amazing, intense things you can do with just a couple of naked people, why complicate things? It’s just not for me.

Such is my conundrum. Trying my to find the smart, opinionated, independent, creative, mousey brunette who will spend an afternoon with me reading in the park, stay in and watch horror movies on a Friday night, join me for the occasional night of heavy drinking, and lovingly impale her face on my cock. Now some women think that sounds degrading, and even scoff at the idea of doing that to any man, and that’s fine. But please know that my obsession with this isn’t about discomfort or humiliation, it’s about effort. One of the reasons why crazy deepthroat blowjobs are so hot (besides the obvious physical pleasure) is how much effort one requires to be done properly.

When anyone willingly takes your erect penis, forces it down their throat, cutting off their airway, causing them to gag, making tears stream down their face, and they still look you in the eye with that same twinkle they get when they smile… there is nothing more attractive. They’re fighting their own instincts and reflexes to give you the most intense sexual pleasure they possibly can and they’re enjoying it. That’s the greatest gift in the fucking world.

So I’m picky. About both personality and sexuality. I admit it. But I refuse to settle. It takes a lot of time, experience, and therapy to realize what you want from yourself, let alone a partner, so why should we compromise? Commitment and dedication is personal, not universal, and we all have very different but equally fucked up fetishes, fantasies and tendencies. The trick is finding someone whose fucked up-ness fits well with yours, and it would seem I’m just not playing the odds.

Aaron is an east coast transplant who works in entertainment and new media, you can leave your comments for him here or write him at Aarononthe405 AT gmail DOT com.

AV Flox

Your humble editrix-in-command.

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  • http://www.thewritingbuddha.com Buddha

    Beautifully said. I agree 100%.

  • Julie

    Yes. This. Exactly.

  • Ross

    Amen. I married someone who, I discovered later, isn’t that into blowjobs. I miss them dearly so stick to your guns! :-)

  • http://foodphilosophy.com Jennifer Iannolo

    You had me right up until “mousey.” Bummer.

  • http://foodphilosophy.com Jennifer Iannolo

    Also? I’ve heard this complaint from a lot of male friends, and it makes me sad. It does not take that much effort to give a proper, mind-altering blow job. You need to *mean* it — and enjoy it.

  • Keira

    Yeah, it really doesn’t take much effort, unless she’s not enjoying it. Inwhich case it won’t be good. If she enjoys what she’s doing to you, there shouldn’t be much effort involved. It shouldn’t look like she’s thinking “alright, let’s get this over with..this is what I’m doing for YOU!”. She should be asking for it. :)

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Sex and the 405 is what your newspaper would look like if it had a sex section.

Here you’ll find news about the latest research being conducted to figure out what drives desire, passion, and other sex habits; reviews of sex toys, porn and other sexy things; coverage of the latest sex-related news that have our mainstream media's panties up in a bunch; human interest pieces about sex and desire; interviews with people who love sex, or hate sex, or work in sex, or work to enable you to have better sex; opinion pieces that relate to sex and society; and the sex-related side of celebrity gossip. More...