July 28, 2010

Three’s Company

Daisy, Diary 2 Comments

Daisy Tralala Journey of a Submissive

I’ve been Sir M’s only trainee for nearly the first six months. He’s rejected many training requests from other submissives — often because he doesn’t think they’re serious, or they are looking for a boyfriend Dom.

“I choose my trainees, they don’t choose me!”

When I was out of town a few months back he started playing with a new partner, a beautiful younger fetish model named G. He began formally training her three or four weeks ago.

He didn’t say a word about it to me — I found out by reading it on the social networking website we all belong to. That was painful — I felt left out, pushed out. But my training continued as usual.

Sir M has often said that when he makes decisions, it doesn’t matter what I think or feel.

“I am going to do what I please, WHEN I please, and how I please, and YOU have NOTHING to say about it.”

Attitude adjustment

It was distressing to suddenly be last week’s news and not the special one any more, but I also realized it was inevitable. So I made an attitude adjustment. The best way for me to serve Sir M and make the best of the situation would be to welcome her and form a friendship with her.

I liked G immediately. She’s smart and unpretentious. G is astonishingly beautiful but seems unaware of her effect on people. In general I’m pretty secure with myself and not a jealous person. It’s something that is a benefit of the maturity I’ve gained at my age. This girl would probably intimidate the hell of any other female sub in our social circles, but I’m used to having stunning female friends around me.

The beginning of a beautiful friendship

A careful alliance started between she and I. She was always friendly and respectful to me. We’d commiserate each week about how hard Sir M whipped us, or shared tips on where to buy good fishnet stockings.

After one particularly brutal session with Sir M, she lay in a heap on the floor with his PAIN jacket spread over her naked body. She’s very curvy, like a pin-up girl and I love that kind of old-fashioned figure. Her butt is the type you can’t help but grab — a perfect handful.

He told me to go cuddle her and help with aftercare. I stroked her thick hair, unruly from thrashing around when she was restrained and being flogged. We kissed softly and saw camaraderie in each other’s eyes.

She looked frightened and worn out.

It’s nothing personal

“Why is he being so mean tonight and beating us so hard?”

I remembered thinking the exact same thing many months ago after a hard beating from Sir M. It was the night I almost quit training.

“Because he’s a perverted sadist!”

We both cracked up and rolled around a little. I glanced over at Sir M, sitting in his leather armchair and watching us. I’m sure he wondered how the mood had gone from grim to hilarious so quickly.

“Don’t worry, baby,” I told her. “He’s just a heavy player and likes to go hard some times. It’s nothing personal.”

Her eyes widened. I wished I could download all the information I’ve leaned in the last six months into her brain.

Like a big sister with benefits

We smiled at each other and giggled. She was just lovely. I was happy to stay in this embrace at length. I sensed her emotional fragility and responded by wanting to nurture and take care of her. I thought perhaps I could be like a big sister, to help her navigate the intense emotional transformation and revelations she would be encountering on the road ahead.

I’d wished someone had been there for me like that as I have been going through the frightful journey of surrender with Sir M.

Sir M finally strolled over to see what he was missing.

“What’s so funny?”

I answered, “Sir, we were just talking about what a badass sadist you are!”

We giggled again. Sir M has a good sense of humor too and I thought I saw him stifle a laugh. He had to keep his intimidating sadist persona intact. He sat down with us and we all chatted comfortably. Judging by the bulge in his leather pants, he liked seeing us together.

The first kiss

“Kiss her,” Sir M ordered.

I obeyed. Kissing a girl like that is intoxicating. My heart expanded in my chest and beat forcefully.

We groped and explored each other, wrapping legs around each other. Sir M grinned in delight. Our fingers ended up inside each other and soon we were both writhing and moaning with pleasure.

After we had exhausted ourselves we sat by Sir M in his armchair and hugged him. That group hug was warm and comforting and magical. Energy swirled between the three of us counterclockwise. I was sure it emanated from Sir M because he is such a powerful fount of pleasure energy.

A beautiful dynamic was blooming between the three of us.

“This is wonderful!” Sir M exclaimed. We both nodded, soaking in the splendor of the moment.

I thought back to six months ago when I started training with Sir M and said I’d absolutely never consider a poly relationship. Now I was rethinking that idea.

Rather than focusing on the drawback as I had before, I could see all the benefits of a poly relationship. Being in an intimate relationship with more than one person means you get to experience more, and have more than one person caring for you, and whom you can care for, in a special way. Getting the right dynamic can be tricky, but when it’s there it can be amazingly positive for everyone involved.

We stayed up late, not wanting to part from each other. But eventually she and I hit a wall of extreme fatigue and it was time to go home.

When we walked her to her car, I commented, “Oh you still have his play collar on from your scene.”

They looked at each other in some complicit agreement I wasn’t privy to, and neither said a word. Then I realized he was already giving her his collar after only a short period of training. In my case it took over five months.

I felt my stomach constrict when I drove home and woke up to my first experience of sub-drop, a depression that comes on for many subs the day after BDSM play. I didn’t recognize it as that at the time, but knew it wasn’t a good place to be. The next week for me was rough and glorious at the same time.


Daisy TraLaLA (@daisytralala) is a saucy Angeleno kinkster who glides with ease between the worlds of tech, art, cuisine, electronica and dungeon parties.

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