December 2, 2009

Newsflash: Yes, Fucking Someone Else in Front of Me is Insulting

Adora, Diary No Comments

“Didn’t you just fuck him last week?” asks my friend Tanya, as the two of us watch the last guy I had dinner with walk into a film industry wedding reception with a tall blonde, who was clearly his date. 

“Why yes.  Yes, I did.”

“The two of you have been spending a lot of time together.  Did he tell you he was bringing someone to the reception?”

“No.”

“Have you talked to him since he’s been back in town.”

“Yes.”

“Don’t you think he should have told you?” 

“Yes.”

Suddenly, my friend Kathleen runs up behind me and whispers anxiously in my ear.

“What the hell is Lucas doing?  Did you two have a falling out of some sort?”

“No, not that I’m aware of.  Last time we saw each other, we were having pancake breakfast at my favorite Los Feliz diner.”

“So what’s the deal with the two of you?” asks Tanya.

“The deal is over, apparently.”

“No, I mean did you like him?”

“We were just getting to know each other,” I reply before taking an extended swig of my cocktail.  “I wasn’t planning on anything developing other than friendship at first, but then it did.”

Our male confidante Patrick approaches us.

“Who’s the chic posing with Lucas?” he asks.

(Silence and frozen faces)

“Ah shit, don’t tell me one of you is sleeping with him,” Patrick says disapprovingly.

I look down at the ground.

“Jesus Adora, you know better than that,” he scolds.

“I just starting working at the studio a month ago, Patrick,” I say, starting to get annoyed.  “I didn’t know anything about him other than that I was starting to enjoy his company.”

Patrick shakes his head in disappointment.

“What is it with you women getting your hopes and expectations up over guys like Lucas?  Women are totally disposable to him.  That’s just how the dude functions. You should’ve known he just wanted a taste of the new girl on campus.”

Aggravation begins to flood through my veins.

“My hopes and expectations?!  My hopes were not to get seriously involved with a guy I just met a month ago, and my expectations were not to be exclusive after only a few weeks.  My expectations are to always be treated with respect, and he just slapped me in the face with the fact that he has none for me.”

I storm away from the group and head in Lucas’ direction.”

Tanya and Kathleen run after me.

“Adora, don’t do be upset,” Kathleen pleads.  “It’s not you.  This is just how Lucas is.”  

                                                                                                  ***

You’re probably all wondering what happened next.  Well, I asked Lucas why he didn’t let me know he was bringing a date to the reception.  He stared at me blankly, said he didn’t know why it even mattered, and that there was no reason for me to feel awkward because there was nothing between us.

                                                                                                   ***

We’re adults living in Los Angeles.  Casually dating more than one person at a time is completely socially acceptable behavior.  Losing interest in someone you’re seeing and letting that person know, so as to not lead him/her on is socially responsible behavior.  Showing someone that you’re no longer interested in him/her a week after you fuck him/her by bringing another man/woman to a social function is just plain mean.

There may be a number of sophisticated psychological reasons behind why people behave the way they do when it comes to dating and relationships.  Maybe they’re tortured individuals.  Maybe they fear rejection.  Maybe they’d rather go through men/women like tissues than ever risk breaking open because they can’t stand the thought of being happy.  Maybe they’re just unable to be sexually satiated by one person at a time.  However, giving someone a free pass to perpetuate his/her bad habits because that’s just the way he/she is isn’t something I can do. That’s just the way I am.

Lucas left me a voice message two days after the wedding.  I guess he grew a conscious over night.

“I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings or insult you in any way,” he said.

 

Dear Lucas,

Of course, you hurt my feelings, and of course, you insulted me.  I’m so happy I helped you get a taste of the new girl on campus.

-Adora

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