September 14, 2010

Switch or submissive?

Daisy, Diary No Comments

Daisy Tralala Journey of a Submissive

Sir M snapped his finger and pointed at G’s pussy. This was my order to go down on her. G rested languidly on a bench, naked except for a blindfold. Sir M had just taken her down from the St. Andrew’s cross after beating the hell out of her. I parted her pale, beautiful legs further and kissed the tattoo snaking down one thigh. She smiled beatifically. Then I dove in.

I went straight for the inner lips and ignored the clit for a while. My tongue thrashed around between solid flat licks, so I could better suck in her juices. I am intoxicated by G’s pussy. I enjoy her so much, I grunt, grab her hips and plunge the tip of my tongue inside her. I want to absorb her, violate her, adore her. She’s extremely submissive and that emanates as the ultimate expression of femininity. In response to her submissiveness, I become sexually aggressive. I often have to restrain my enthusiasm for her because I’m afraid it will be overwhelming.

Sir M was goading me on and G was gasping with pleasure so I abandoned some restraint and went a little wild. I devoured her like she was my favorite meal and I hadn’t eaten all day. I rubbed my cheek against her lips so I’d have her pussy juice all over my face. I inserted a finger, then two, drawing them out slowly to see the juices glisten.

She tasted like a perfectly cooked jumbo scallop — sweet and slightly salty, with a briny sheen. She made me tremble.

She sighed and cooed and was clearly enjoying it. I was tempted to suck her harder and bite her but didn’t know if that was permissible or appropriate. I was afraid to let myself get too rough, because I am strictly submissive with no desire ever to dominate anyone. I don’t want to be a switch — ew! However, it was a struggle to keep my sexually aggressive side in check.

Sir M took care of the rough stuff — slapping her face, squeezing her throat. I wished I could have done that too. Then I fantasized about fucking her with a strap-on.

She is shy about making a lot of noise during sex, quite the opposite of me. But she was groaning and tilting her pelvis up into me to get more. And I gave it. My fingers pressed forcefully in and out of her, and my tongue lapped her up. Finally I tasted a saltier moisture seep out of her and knew that she was done… for now.

I am not a switch!

The next day I ran through the details of the encounter and my cheeks flushed. It was super sexy and fun, but I was left with a disturbing discovery — the “toppy” side of my sexuality. Had I let it loose, I was afraid I would have been the most brutal, perverted top, and that it would sabotage my submission to Sir M. I am not a switch!

As an aside I should note that my last boyfriend was a switch and that dynamic didn’t work at all for our relationship. I concluded that most switches are bottoms who can’t admit that they are submissive and so they buy a flogger, a riding crop, and attempt to play top. That wishy-washyness is to be avoided. I only know a few remarkable switches, and it’s certainly not something I want to emulate.

I brought my concern to Sir M.

“Sir, I am conflicted by some of the feelings that emerged in me when I was with G; I felt very ‘toppy’ and it scared me. I’m not a switch am I?”

“No, you are not a switch; you were following my orders so it was an act of service to me.”

What a relief!

An activity does not make you a Dom or a sub

Sir M pointed me to a recent posting on the kinky social media site we frequent. It was a discussion following a question from a Master who likes some sexual activities that might be considered “bottoming” — and pondering whether that made him a switch.

A slave in Ft. Worth, Texas called Shaohua offered a brilliantly simple explanation. It was so good that Sir M remarked that it should be required reading for any couple in BDSM.

With Shaohua’s permission and a few edits I am reprinting it here:

An activity does not make you a Dom or a sub. Being a Dominant or a submissive is part of who you are; topping and bottoming are activities you do. A very important distinction.

i know in my own relationship with Mistress there have been times where she’s ordered me to top her for brief moments to give her relief and to help her relax. Regardless of whether i was tying her up, giving her a bare handed spanking, or penetrating her with a dildo, i NEVER at any point in time doubted who owned who, nor did i lose any respect for her.

These are sexual activities, not power exchange determiners.

So i do not think it in any way makes someone a switch, and i have known other Dominants, of both male and female gender, to like to occasionally be on the receiving end of bottoming activities. And i have known many slaves who are sadistic, or at the very least have a sadistic streak (heck, i’m one of them!)

As a wise friend once told me: ‘Sadism and dominance, and masochism and submissiveness do not always go hand-in-hand.’ i find this to be true, even for activities not concerned with just S&M.

I thank Shaohua and her owner Ms. Tina, for allowing me to share this with you. And I am thankful to find out my sexual aggressiveness doesn’t make me any less of a submissive.


Daisy TraLaLA (@daisytralala) is a saucy Angeleno kinkster who glides with ease between the worlds of tech, art, cuisine, electronica and dungeon parties.

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