December 2, 2009

Smoking Hot: In Praise Of Women Who Smoke

Opinion 3 Comments


Personally, I am not a fan of cigarettes. Never have been, nor can I understand why individuals would go out of their way to allow such brutal impurities to enter so freely. Drag after drag, the harshly derived chemicals seep into your being, working diligently to conquer all that is viable, fresh, and living. Poisonous smoke lingers on your clothes, ages your skin, and blackens the shit out of your lungs.

However, with that said, I am here to explain why chicks who smoke make better lovers:

1.) The Ever-Apparent Oral Fixation

Since the beginning of time, women who have been more expressive with their hands and their mouths have been more expressive sexually. Smoking showcases both of these necessary traits beautifully. Just watch the way a woman lights her cigarette, the way it is held in her hand, the way her fingers lovingly caress the shaft – the act could not be more erotic. And, I haven’t even gotten to the mouth yet. Watch an attractive woman take a cigarette to her lips, and I promise you she will be auto added to the “bank.” Would be an act against nature to watch a woman delicately take a cigarette to her lips, close her eyes, lovingly inhale, and not imagine her naked beside you.

2) The World Behind the Eyes

It is also a well-known fact that by doing something trivial with your hands, your fingers, or your mouth, you will allow the unlocking of your creativity and imagination. The simple act of smoking releases the brain from focus, and allows it to drift into streams of consciousness. Smokers just do this more easily, as smoking allows their mind to wander towards the far reaches of fantasy. This phenomenon is why you often see actors with cigarettes or food in scenes; it was the easiest way to release the actors from their own thoughts, allowing them to bridge toward the thoughts of the characters being portrayed. I promise you this much: find a woman who is able to release from logical thought during a sexual experience, and you will understand what outer-body is all about.

3) An Easy In

Back in the day when I was terrorizing the various L.A. hotspots, there wasn’t a night I would venture out without my lucky lighter in hand. This practice would work magically on two fronts. First, it is a way to break the ice, and move stealthily into a beautiful woman’s personal space without causing her any alarm whatsoever. Without saying a single word, you are in, close, making contact, and showing her interest. Second, in situations where you are already engaged in conversation with a woman, nothing closes the deal like the lighting of her cigarette before she can even breathe the words “do you have a light?” Women who smoke are just simply more approachable, less likely to scare, and offer more opportunity for conversation.

4) Dramatic Scenery

Let me set this up for you. Imagine a lovemaking session that shakes the heavens and rattles the Gods. Immediately after, the two of you lie there, side by side. Sunlight trickling in through curtained spaces. Her skin tones contrasting beautifully with the stark white sheets… the profile of her curves writing the outline of a poetic verse… her long dark hair spread about the pillow like traces of a storied fable… her eyes casting glances that could conquer empires. You are thinking to yourself that this is single-handedly the sexiest scene you have ever seen in your entire life! She then reaches for her cigarettes and lighter, lies back down, and ignites. As she exhales, the air around you thickens. Streaks of light appear overhead. The smoke encircles your existence, slowing movements and speeding thoughts. All of a sudden, it’s clear that the cigarette is the artist, and the two of you are the muse.

5) Did I Mention the Oral Fixation?

If you don’t know the difference between a girl who smokes putting her lips on your cock versus a girl who doesn’t, then I truly feel sorry for you. Just try it on for size one of these days, and I promise you will understand. The ladies who smoke, or at least have smoked in their lives, tend to enjoy having you inside of their mouth almost as much as you enjoy being inside of their mouth. It’s a fact. They are more courageous, more inventive, and less likely to have that all too familiar gag reflex.

So gentlemen, grab yourselves a lucky lighter, and remember this powerful index for sexuality. Where there is smoke, I promise you, there will be fire…

Image by Av Flox.

  • Sara

    Haha. totally disagree. I’ve never smoked, still have an oral fixation and I honestly don’t see how sucking on a cancer-stick would make me a better fuck than I already am. Funny list, though.

  • Tyler

    My Dearest Sara, there is not a single doubt in my mind that you are anything less than amazing in bed. I fully believe it, and I applaud you for never entering into that world colored in Marlboro Red. One could hypothesize that the oral fixation exists in all women, and then make the determination to whether smoking increases or decreases a woman’s willingness to enjoyably put other objects into their mouth (remember, the more terrible the taste she’s used to, the better off any guy will be!)…Additionally, there is a phrase that may hold true in this instance – “not more than you need, more than you are used to.” Meaning, we have already established that your man is well satisfied sexually…however, when was the last time he told you the experience rattled the Gods or inspired poetry? Perhaps you should smoke a cigarette, and reflect.

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