We’re not sure why, considering we don’t have any doctors or psychologists on staff, but we here at Sex and the 405 get as many pleas for help as we do tips. Nevertheless, our editrix is not one to let people go forth into the strangeness of their lives without some semblance of advice, however unprofessional it may be and we’ve decided to devote a section of our site to share this knowledge.*
I have been in a (relatively) happy relationship for a few months now. The girl seems great, but I don’t feel like we have great sex. I say relatively happy because I seem to have a problem relating sex to the relationship. If its boring, I tend to want to have sex less and spend less time with the woman. Although she is great, I can’t get past that.
THE PROBLEM: As I said, she is great, a tad reserved sexually, but seems open to anything I suggest. One of my biggest joys is turning a woman on through oral. I am fairly good at it, so I don’t mind doing it. However, she usually won’t have an orgasm unless she has oral. So that means it is required that is the first thing we do. Fine with me, but this is getting pretty routine. To make matters worse, she seems to be extremely wet. Wet is good during sex, but when I am going down it feels almost like mucus. The more I do this, the more turned off I get.
I really want to enjoy sex with her, but it gets more difficult by the day. Can you help me please?
And the response:
Falling into a routine in sex has to be one of the fastest ways to neutralize any passion and desire that there exists between people. I’ve been there. I hear people tell one another “it’s just sex,” but the truth is that it’s not just sex — it’s sex! And sex is important to our well-being. Being with a partner who satisfies us is part of a healthy relationship.
I’ve divided your problem into parts. You have the routinely aspect of sex, and the matter of excess of lubrication in your partner. For the first, I suggest a trip to the sex shop for both of you to procure a couple of clitoral stimulators. I love The Screaming O’s FingO which you can wear on your finger to stimulate her while you have sex. Babeland’s Climax Twist is a clitoral wand that you can reach in more difficult positions — with the added benefit that you can twist it into other angles to meet your demands.
By using a toy, you can ensure that she gets off without being tied to the routine of engaging in oral unless that is what you feel like doing. Sex should never be a chore. It also frees you both to have sex in places other than the bedroom — try it! Switching locations up can be an incredible jolt to routine.
As far as her excess of lubrication, this could be as natural as being a part of her to being caused by the pill, to being a symptom of an infection. If she has noted no pain or burning, chances are that it’s not the latter, but a urine test could easily confirm just to be sure. If she is on the pill, the excessive wetness could be caused by the hormones in the pill — or, as mentioned, it could be entirely natural.
Douching has shown to exacerbate the problem instead of rectifying it, but perhaps a sexy shower can help. You may also consider incorporating moist, unscented towelettes to wipe moisture during oral as it accumulates. It’s not the sexiest proposition, but I’ve heard of stranger things being successfully incorporated into foreplay.
Give it a shot and remember you’re in this together. Sharing the toy-shopping experience will show her how committed you are to her pleasure and add another dimension to the fun — you never know what you might find, after all!
* Our attorneys want us to reiterate that we’re not experts and all suggestions given are to be taken with the same level of caution that you would take those given by a friend who has nothing but his own experience on which to base his responses. Do not sue us! Our editrix and attorneys have a lot of time on their hands and they consider petty litigation an entertaining past time — probably because we have to do all the leg work!