April 21, 2010

So You Wanna Pay for Pussy? Step 3: Take out or delivery?

Hobbying, Lessons 3 Comments

Incall versus outcall. The bulk of my personal experience has been of the incall variety. That is to say, I go to the escort’s location rather than her coming to mine. It works for me. I find I prefer the banging-a-hot-chick-in-a-lavish hotel room encounter to the doing-it-on-my-futon encounter. But that’s just me. You have your own kink, I’m not here to judge.

There are many good reasons for preferring to stay in or preferring to go out. Both are equally valid choices. You can find quality companionship for either option.

Here’s some general rules to follow. First, plan ahead. Whether you’re visiting a lady’s incall or inviting someone over to your love shack, it’s bad form to expect a gal to be available on extremely short notice. Sure, you can find lots of girls, mostly Craigslist-type hookers, who will eagerly say “come on over now” when you find yourself with your dick in your hand at 3:00 AM. But that’s not for everybody.

I understand why some guys would prefer to stay home. You’re likely to be more comfortable in familiar surroundings. But if you have a wife, if you have nosy neighbors or if you don’t know how to do basic laundry, you may want to rethink the stay-at-home option. But hey, maybe the wife is out of town and it’s now or never. As with most aspects of the hooker/client interaction, proper prior planning is key.

You’re not ordering a pizza. The blowjob will not be free if the hooker doesn’t get there in thirty minutes or less.

Plan ahead. Do your homework, make all your arrangements ahead of time so that when the lovely escort you’ve chosen shows up at your doorstep it’ll be a pleasurable experience for both of you. You’re the host, act like one. That means you should not only clean yourself up (wash your balls) but you should make an effort to clean up the house. I mean really, you think that high-dollar hottie is going to be at her best if she has to climb over a pile of dirty laundry to get to the bed? It wouldn’t be out of line to offer her a drink, maybe a glass of wine, and many will accept. But being safety conscious, you should also have a couple of unopened bottles of water handy.

Stay hydrated. And while you may perform better in familiar surroundings, it’s probably a good idea to put away that picture of your wife you keep on your nightstand. Not because you may offend the hooker, but because the last thing you need while you’re boning some paid ass is to look over and see your wedding picture. After all is said and done, make sure you wash all the sheets and towels before the wife comes home. You may not mind sleeping on a wet spot, but your wife will notice the smell of strange pussy on her favorite Laura Ashleys.

True story: I know a guy whose temporary girlfriend started her period while frolicking in his bed (hey, biology happens). Imagine trying to explain away that stain.

So, if you want to avoid all the hassles of hosting your own party, maybe finding a lady who offers incall services is preferable. Here again, plan, plan, plan. Think about what type of encounter you want. Are you looking for the drive through or the eat in? At the lower end of the spectrum you have the fast food, chain motel, high volume provider. You pay your money, you take your ride, you go home satisfied. And you didn’t even have to take your socks off.

Or maybe, being an adult, you’ll gravitate towards the luxury model, the lady who sets up shop in a four-star hotel. The advantages here are clear. Somebody else washes the sheets, and clean towels are just a phone call to housekeeping away. There’s a fantasy element involved. It’s easier to step out of your everyday life; to forget about your terrible job, your broken car, your shrill nagging soul-crushing hateful bitch shrew of a wife. What, too much?

Going to a smaller chain motel you’re more likely to encounter the watchful gaze of the front desk clerk. And trust me, they know why you’re there in the middle of the afternoon. They don’t care, but they know. However, if your assignation takes place in a larger luxury hotel, particularly one that caters to business clients, you’ll have no problem getting in and out. And there’s a lot to be said for a large comfortable pillow-top mattress with clean sheets and a down comforter. A lot to be said for blackout curtains and a hot shower. And can you really put a price on banging a hot chick up against the windows looking out over the city skyline? Well, yeah, about $400, but you get the point.

Whether you stay home or go out, the more comfortable the surroundings, the safer everyone feels, the more you’re going to get out of it. Your goal is to make the experience feel more like an afternoon with your ridiculously hot, willing girlfriend than something you’d regret. And speaking of the girlfriend experience… what is a GFE? That’s next.

Read Part Two.

Hooker Addict (@hookeraddict) has wasted much of the last few years wading through the local escort/hobbyist message boards. From finding a hooker to making the date, not getting ripped off or worse; this is about paying for sex. With actual cash. A few years ago, he became fascinated with streeetwalkers, but now the game has changed. Moved indoors, online. He’s just Some Guy, with no skills and no game. And he still gets more pussy than you.

AV Flox

Your humble editrix-in-command.

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  • http://www.bodynoiseonline.com Body Noise

    I can’t help the thrill of bringing a stranger in my personal space and making a total mess. Plan ahead? Pshh. It’s always better in spontaneous!

  • Anaiis

    Oh, yeah, I wholeheartedly endorse making a mess so your partner knows you’re boinking someone else. #sarcasm

  • http://none steven

    now or never

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