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Weirdest Sex News of 2009

December 30, 2009 News, Of The Year, OMGWTFBBQ 6 Comments

In February, Sheyla Hershey of Houston, Texas, proud owner of 38KKK-sized breast implants, announced she will continue to have breast augmentation surgery until she takes the Guinness World Record for biggest implants, which is currently held by 36MMM-sized Maxi Mounds.

And who could forget that April afternoon when news broke that Vince Shlomi–better known as the ShamWow Guy–got his tongue bitten by a sex worker, leading to an altercation that resulted in both parties being arrested?

When the British retailer Marks & Spencer started charging extra for bras sized DD and up, Beckie Williams–who’s a size G–started a series of protests called “Busts 4 Justice.” Her Facebook group, with some 17,000 members, forced Marks & Spencer into a frantic backpedal. In May, the policy was dropped.

In June, a woman having a torrid love affair with her boss accidentally bit off his penis while fellating him when a car rear-ended their vehicle in Shanghai. The 30-year-old managed to cough up the tip of the penis and it was successfully reattached in a hospital.

And in September, Julia Grovenburg and her husband, who’d been trying to conceive for what felt like forever, found that Julia had become pregnant… while pregnant. Superfetation, as the condition is known, is so rare, doctors know of only 10 other cases in recorded history.

And speaking of pregnancy, just this month Chilean weightlifter Elizabeth Poblete gave birth while training–without having a clue that she’d been pregnant.

Then there is Adam Manning who fondled his girlfriend’s nurse while his girlfriend was giving birth to his first-born in October. By the time his baby was born, the nuclear douche was sitting in a Utah county jail.

How about some liberty? In October 29-year-old Erick Williamson was convicted of indecent exposure for being seen by neighbors cutting through his yard while he was sipping his morning coffee in the buff. The judge did not fine or sentence him.

In November, Allison Henry, a 39-year-old school psychologist from Kenmore, Washington, came forth with her story about living through a vaginal prolapse, a condition in which the vagina, uterus, rectum, bladder, urethra and small intestine shift and may “fall out of the body.”

Also in November, a man by the name of Rodell Vereen, who’d to register as a sex offender after being convicted for getting down with a horse in 2007 was caught again–with the same horse! The 50-year-old was sentenced to three years in prison, and the judge has banned him from going near a stable for life.

Information from The Sphere.

Miss Jones is Back–And The Devil Sounds Like Hope Sandoval

December 30, 2009 Culture, Music No Comments

In the 70s, Georgina Spelvin starred in a flick that has become iconic in the porn genre: The Devil in Miss Jones.

Directed by Gerard Damiano, who had worked on Deep Throat a year prior, The Devil in Miss Jones is a perverse tale of abandon and despair that perfectly encapsulates my greatest fear: a life of release that meets a tragic end in the eternal fire of indifference.

Spelvin, now 73, is back, in Massive Attack’s “Paradise Circus” video. Toby Dye creates a masterful montage of an interview with the porn actress and scenes from the film, where she is 36.

It is a bizarre mind trip buoyed on the sweet vocals of Massy Star’s Hope Sandoval that exposes an aspect of the adult entertainer in a way no music video ever has.

Watch for yourself (or, if you’re at work or otherwise unable, read the transcript below):

Massive Attack Paradise Circus from sabakan on Vimeo.

Spelvin: I, at one time tried my hand at being a prostitute–you know, doing tricks for money with a very nice madam and just completely bombed. I just was no good at it. I absolutely could not manufacture the excitement, the sexual excitement i needed in order to have sex. So plenty people would ask me how could you do it in front of a camera then? The truth of it, when there is a camera running, it is so thrilling. God help me, I love the camera.

Sandoval: It’s unfortunate that when we feel a storm, we can roll ourselves over ’cause we’re uncomfortable. Oh where the devil makes us sin but we like it when we’re spinning in his grip.

Spelvin: The fact that it was a fuck film–I was frightened to begin with. But there is something about making a movie when you are in the film set. Anything is possible. The narrative of sex–of course first there is attraction: our hearts beat fast and our palms get sweaty and I get a tingle on the outside of my arms. Foreplay: getting to know each other, and knowing exactly what the other person’s sexual triggers are, whether it’s the little spot behind the ear, the inside of the elbow, the kiss on the neck, the flittering of the tongue across the clitoris.

Sandoval: It’s unfortunate that when we feel a storm, we can roll ourselves over when we’re uncomfortable. Oh, well the devil makes us sin but we like it when we’re spinning in his grip.

Spelvin: Oh, boy. An orgasm is that point in time that can’t be measured. A mystical instant that doesn’t really exist in this dimension.

Sandoval: Love is like a sin, my love, for the one that feels it the most. Look at her with a smile like a flame–she will love you like a fly will never love you, again.

Spelvin: I will have to confess that the eroticism and excitement being expressed was very deliberate. It’s not something that I said oh my god this is the most wonderful thing in the world, I can’t wait to do this again. Probably the most uncomfortable and humiliating thing I’ve ever done on film. But nonetheless there I was because the truth of it is: I love the camera. We are our own devil.

This is a single from Massive Attack’s album Heligoland, due out February 9.

Image from IMDB.

Sexual Conflict: A Twisted Screw

December 29, 2009 News, Research 1 Comment

Patricia Brennan has been interested in the weirdness of duck genitals for years. Why are drake penises corkscrew shaped? Why are they so long? Discovery’s Carl Zimmer reports:

As Brennan dissected duck penises, she began to wonder what the female sexual anatomy looked like. If you have a car like this, she said, what kind of garage do you park it in?

Brennan discovered that female ducks have equally weird reproductive tracts (called oviducts). In many species, they are ornamented with lots of outpockets. And like duck penises, duck oviducts are corkscrew-shaped. But while male duck penises twist clockwise, the female oviduct twists counterclockwise.

Brennan speculated that all this bizarre anatomy is the result of a peculiar form of evolution known as sexual conflict. A strategy that allows females to reproduce the most offspring may not be so good for males, and vice versa. For example, male fruit flies inject their mates with lots of chemicals during sex, and those chemicals make her less receptive to other males, thereby boosting his chances of fathering her eggs. But those chemicals are harsh and will make female flies sick. Females, in turn, have evolved defenses against those chemicals, blunting their effects.

With many examples of sexual conflict in nature, Brennan wondered if sexual conflict between male and female ducks was giving rise to their weird genitals. Female ducks pair off with male partners for the breeding season, but they also get harrassed by other males, sometimes being forced to have sex (and sometimes dying from the attacks). A third of all duck matings are forced.

And yet only 3 percent of the ducklings that female ducks produce come from such forced matings. Brennan speculated that the female ducks can block forced copulations with their mismatched spirals. And they might also be controlling which drake got to fertilize their eggs by socking away the sperm of different mates in different pockets. And the extravagant penises of males might be the result of an evolution around those defenses.

Now we have video showing how it all works, too. (And it’s not really safe for work!)

Eversions in barriers / from blogs.discovermagazine.com/loom from Carl Zimmer on Vimeo.

Image by AV Flox. Information from Discovery, via Gizmodo.

101: Let’s Talk About the Sexual Response Cycle

December 29, 2009 Lessons 1 Comment

Good morning, class. Today we’re going to talk about the human physiological response to sexual stimulation, otherwise known as the sexual response cycle, a term coined by William Masters and Virginia Johnson, two researchers who pioneered studies in sex.

Their 1966 work Human Sexual Response was fundamental in understanding human sexuality, specifically female response to arousal. According to their model, the sexual response cycle is divided into four phases: excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution.

Excitement is phase one; it occurs as a result of exposure to any erotic physical or mental stimulation. During this stage, the body prepares itself for sex. Physiologically, this involves an increased heart rate, breathing rate, and a rise in blood pressure. Erection of the nipples is very common at this stage, along with flushing of the skin. Intense sweating has also been documented in this stage.

In men, this stage also involves an erection, the drawing of the testicles upward toward the perineum, and the tensing of the scrotum. In women, the labia majora (that is, outter lips) flatten and the labia minora (the inner lips) engorge and may protrude from the outter lips of the vagina. The clitoris also becomes engorged, much like a smaller penis. Stimulation at this stage leads to the general darkening in the color of the vagina and the production of lubrication.

Plateau follows excitement and precedes orgasm. During this phase, there is more blood circulation and the heart rate increases for both genders.

In men, this phase involves the contraction of the urethral sphincter, to prevent semen from mixing with urine and to guard against retrograde ejaculation. Testicles rise closer to the body and the secretion of pre-ejaculate is common.

In women, the nipples and labia increase in size further and more lubrication is secreted. The PC muscle, which runs from pubic bone to the coccyx on the floor of the pelvic cavity tightens, making the vaginal opening smaller and setting up the platform for orgasm. Involuntary vocalization is common for both men and women at this stage.

Orgasm comes next, characterized by fast cycles of muscle contraction in the lower pelvic muscles of both genders. During this phase, more involuntary vocalization is common, along with spasms of muscles and a sense of euphoria.

In men, ejaculation occurs at orgasm, though it’s possible to have “dry” orgasms or for men to ejaculate without experiencing orgasm. A dry orgasm shortens the refractory period (which we’ll get to soon), making it easier for men to achieve the sort of multiple orgasms that many women can achieve naturally. Multiple-orgasms have been reported for men who began masturbating or engaging in sexual activity before puberty, likely due to a lack of refractory period. In female children it is always possible to have multiple-orgasms, even after puberty. In men, this ability decreases following the first ejaculation.

Following orgasm, the muscles begin to relax and blood pressure drops. This is the refractory period, the last stage of the sexual response cycle. Men usually experience a refractory period that may range from minutes to a full 24 hours. Women tend to have a small refractory period, allowing them to return to the plateau stage with further almost immediately following an orgasm.

Information from Human Sexual Response.

Does Masturbating Give Me Zits?

December 29, 2009 Lessons No Comments

Sexperts get all kinds of weird questions, but every once in a while, questions are so duh in the style of How Is Babby Formed, we just feel we have to share. This one comes to you courtesy of the Bangalore Mirror:

I am a 22-year-old man and I have been masturbating since the past six years. Will masturbation adversely affect my future married life? Also I notice that within a few days of masturbating, I get pimples on my face as also new strands of grey hair on my head. Is this related to masturbation or the fact that I have a low sperm count?

How far we have yet to go as educators!

(And for the record, no, blemishes and gray hair are not related to masturbating.)

Carl’s Jr. Sells Sex–err, Salads with Kim Kardashian

December 28, 2009 Advertising, Culture No Comments

Some may say that Carl’s Jr. has pioneered the art of making real-life food porn with pop culture-relevant sexpots.

I say they have pioneered the commercials with so many different messages that you’re not entirely sure what is being sold until the end.

Remember the 2005 Carl’s Jr. commercial with Paris Hilton? You weren’t sure if she was selling a Bentley, car wash supplies, or a bathing suit until she took a bit of their spicy BBQ burger.

Now Kim Kardashian has an ad out for them that makes you wonder if you should be buying lingerie, fluffy towels, stain removers, or bubble bath.

(And why is Kardashian taking a bath before she finishes making a mess? And why does she eat with her hands if she’s so OCD about cleanliness?)

Which is totally not to say that I don’t think it’s hot. Though I really think the dressing should have dripped on her boobs. But that’s me. I like messy.

Image via What the Hell Are You Eating? Video via Manolith.

The Oral Festish Sub

December 28, 2009 Arrow, Diary 1 Comment

I’ve spoken about The Spanko already, but the Oral Fetish Sub, a 5’11″ beautiful Italian girl, homegrown in the Valley really brought out the Dom in me. The great thing about it was that it was never expected, talked about or anything. It just happened. It was natural.

She and I met on a website under the premise of friends with benefits. Before my first time with her, the only forewarning I had was that she liked to rip clothes off and fuck immediately, screw the foreplay until after (dessert before dinner).

Immediately, I knew this was rough and wild, lots of movement. For some reason in the middle of sex, I just blurted out, “do you do anal?” She said yeah and in seconds we were doing just that.

She liked it abusive. I found out by pushing the limit, seeing if she would retract or not. Chocking, check. Ass slapping, check.

Then came the true test. She liked oral later in sex and as she was going down on me on the bed, I moved her aside and laid her body down on her back with her head hanging off the side of the bed. I stood over and put my cock inside her throat, deep down, pushing it in and out, slapping her breasts, chocking her with my cock, making her gag. She loved it, I loved it. It was hot, period. Then we went into the shower, finished the night off.

In the mornings after I slept over, she loved to give head — it got her off when it got me off. Then I would drive home in morning rush hour traffic. Lucky for me, home and work was opposite of traffic, so I cruised with a smile on my face.

Avatar Sex

December 28, 2009 Culture, Film, SciFet 6 Comments

Avatar is a PG-13 flick, so I wasn’t expecting to see anyone hooking up. Nevertheless, there were the two main characters, getting down under a magical wish tree in what has to be the ultimate eye-candy flick of the decade.

There being a such a strong theme of connection, uploading and downloading self and history, the scene between the protagonist’s avatar and his native Na’vi counterpart, Neytiri, is intense and surreal. We’re shown nothing, but our imaginations need no further detail–we’re right there.

Although, just in case you’re one of those inquisitive types, director James Cameron isn’t about to leave you hanging.

“That will be something for the special edition DVD, if you want to see how they have sex,” Cameron told a group of journalists doing their due diligence (i.e., asking how the characters have sex).

Here’s the short version: they use their tails.

“It made such perfect sense,” said actress Zoe Saldaña, who portrayed Neytiri. “If you sync to your banshee and you’re syncing to a tree, why not sync into a person? I almost feel like you’ll have the most amazing orgasm.”

Talk about knowing how to sell DVDs.

“It was a very funny scene to shoot,” Saldaña said. “There were so many technical things that sometimes you have to keep in mind that paying attention to all those might disrupt the fluidity of how a scene is supposed to take place. And because Jim was shooting for a PG-13 rating, we couldn’t move in certain directions. The motion would look a little too past the PG-13 rating standards. So it was really funny for Sam [Worthington, who played Jake Sully] and me. We had a lot of giggles there.”

It’s hot, but you have to wonder if it leaves any room for creativity in bed.

Image from Avatar’s official site. Information from the Philadelphia Daily Inquirer.

On Hands And Knees In Disney’s Underbelly

December 28, 2009 Books, Culture 1 Comment

Last week, I received a curious e-mail from a man named Chris Mitchell who told me he had secrets about the Magic Kingdom–dark, stormy secrets, the kind we here at Sex and the 405 are all about.

Mitchell had worked at the Orlando theme park for a year as an official photog.

Now, he’s coming out with the stories he heard on the field, a sort of incredible expose that will change our notions of the Magic Kingdom forever.

On the day before Christmas, another e-mail arrived from Mitchell, this one containing a chapter of his book, Cast Member Confidential.

“The lawyers who work for my publisher made me edit this one pretty heavily, but I’m sending the unexpurgated version…” he wrote.

And like a good girl, I waited until Christmas to open the gift.

Three in the morning, there I sat at my desk, cigarette freshly lit, and opened “The Bear Necessities.” Enjoy, with the proper mixture of delight and horror, as I did:

For ten years, Brady was the pride of the character department: Chip, Dale, Quasimodo. He brought Roger Rabbit to life in a way that no other performer could match. But, by far, his favorite was Winnie the Pooh with his bashful smile and his honey colored fur and his pot belly that was just big enough to jack off inside.

“What flavor today, Brady?” one Pooh coming off stage would ask.

Brady would pull the ubiquitous sucker out of his mouth and smack his lips. “Butterscotch,” he would say, then the greeter would Velcro him in to the suit and he would shuffle on stage, his crooked leg giving Pooh a comical gait.

This was the late-nineties, when Pooh wore a honey pot on his head with bees flying around it. A performer could pull his arms inside the costume to wiggle the bear’s nose and then push them back into the paws to sign autographs. Or, at least that was the original plan.

Brady liked to pull his underwear down around his thighs and hold his balls. He’d walk around like that for a while, then lift his fingers to his face and sniff them. The scent of his musk and the sheer naughtiness of the escapade broke over him in waves of arousal and he would stroke himself off right there, in front of everybody, where nobody could see.

How could he? How could he masturbate and sign autographs and pose for photos without losing focus or breaking character? Surely, that kind of multitasking required supernatural concentration. Simple. He could do it because he was, above all, a professional. He knew the choreography by heart and was able to do the dance steps in his sleep. He could sign with one hand, sniff the other and wiggle Pooh’s nose with his elbow. Since Pooh is a right-handed character, Brady became adept at jerking with his left hand. After all, it wasn’t like there was a whole lot else for him to do inside that suit for thirty minutes straight.

The lollipops were perfect for covering up the smells around his fingers and face. Some days he used cinnamon, some days spearmint. And every night, when he turned in his costume, the wardrobe department dutifully washed away the seminal fluids.

One day, Brady went to pick up his Pooh costume, and received a shock.

“It’s a new design,” beamed the wardrobe lady. “Isn’t this an adorable face?”

One look at the new body confirmed the worst for Brady. “Arms,” he said. “It’s got actual arms.”

“Yes, he does! Oh yes he does! The cute widdle bear has arms!

Brady was crestfallen. The new design meant he would not be able to pull his hands inside the pot belly. It wasn’t like he was going to leave the character program or anything, but he felt gypped. Ball fondling had been his hard-earned perk. For three years, he coasted along in the character program, picking up new characters, learning animation for parades and autograph sessions. And then, one day, salvation came in the form of Monsters Inc.

One of the stars of Monsters Inc., Mike Wyszowski, fell right into Brady’s height range. Basically, a giant eyeball with stick legs, Mike Wyszowski was shaped in such a way that the performer had to keep his arms inside the costume at all times. He could eat a burrito in there if he wanted to, or check his voice mail, or, yes, even jack off.

Once again, going to work was a treat. A day of Mike Wyszowski was better than any day off – imagine doing the one thing you truly love and getting paid for it! Plus, consistent with tried and true marketing techniques, every day from the opening of the movie until the DVD release, the coordinators scheduled a park full of Monsters Inc. characters. Which meant that Brady, who had carefully made himself indispensable as the friendly eyeball, was more or less on constant call.

And the best part was, there was even a shelf inside the costume with little holes that accommodated extra lollipops.

Unexpurgated excerpt from Cast Member Confidential by Chris Mitchell, out January 1, 2010. Image via Chris Mitchell’s blog.

Love Hurts: Charlie Sheen’s Jailbird Christmas

December 27, 2009 Hollywoody, News No Comments

Thought you had a lousy Christmas? Here’s one to make you feel better (maybe? Misery loves company? No? Fine. Anyway): Charlie Sheen spent most of Christmas day in jail on a class-four felony charge of second-degree assault and a class-five felony charge of menacing and a misdemeanor count of criminal mischief.

The 44-year-old was taken into custody following an emergency call made to Aspen police by his wife, Brooke Mueller Sheen. According to TMZ, Mueller Sheen was given a breathalyzer when police arrived; the percentage of alcohol in her blood was .13, meaning she was legally drunk when she placed the call. Sheen himself registered .04.

TMZ has also reported that Muller Sheen has changed her story from what she said during the 911 call and is now refusing to be re-interviewed by police.

The couple were on a “trial separation” before they met in Aspen for the holiday, where Muller is renting a house.

Sheen was released at 7:00 PM on $8,500 bail; he is not to have any have contact with his wife.

Image and information from TMZ, via SFGate.

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Gamers Won’t Be Seduced, Will Stare At Random Cleav Instead

That Steam allows the objectification and sexualization of female characters in a variety of its games but refuses to accept a game about actually engaging with women in a more interactive fashion is astonishingly backward.

FetLife Is Not Safe for Users

That the site doesn’t take measures to protect user content and has shown incompetence or negligence in regard to user privacy, all the while prohibiting victims from warning others about predatory behavior creates an environment where it is nearly impossible for members of the community to take care of themselves and one another. By enabling FetLife to continue espousing a code of silence, allowing the spinning self-created security issues as “attacks,” and not pointing out how disingenuous FetLife statements about safety are, we are allowing our community to become a breeding ground for exploitation.

Why You Should Vote No On Prop 35

Should people who benefit (parents, siblings, children, roommates!) from the earnings of “commercial sex acts” (any sexual conduct connected to the giving or receiving of something of value) be charged with human trafficking? Should someone who creates obscene material that is deemed “deviant” be charged as with human trafficking? Should someone who profits from obscene materials be charged with human trafficking? Should people transporting obscene materials be charged with human trafficking? Should a person who engages in sex with someone claiming to be above the age of consent or furnishing a fake ID to this effect be charged with human trafficking? What if I told you the sentences for that kind of conviction were eight, 14 or 20 years in prison, a fine not to exceed $500,000, and life as a registered sex offender?

Pretty and Calls Herself a Geek? Attention Whore!

If you are a woman, you might be given a chance to prove yourself in this community. Since there is no standard definition of what a “geek” is and it will vary from one judge to the next anyway, chances of failing are high (cake and grief counseling will be available after the conclusion of the test!). If you somehow manage to succeed, you’ll be tested again and again by anyone who encounters you until you manage to establish yourself like, say, Felicia Day. But even then, you’ll be questioned. As a woman, your whole existence within the geek community will be nothing but a series of tests — if you’re lucky. If you aren’t lucky, you’ll be harassed and threatened and those within the culture will tacitly agree that you deserve it.

Cuddle Chemical? Moral Molecule? Not So Fast

Zak’s original field, it turns out, is economics, a far cry from the hearts and teddy bears we imagine when we consider his nickname. But after performing experiments on generosity, Zak stumbled on the importance of trust in interactions, which led him, rather inevitably, to research about oxytocin. Oxytocin, you might remember, is a hormone that has been linked previously to bonding — between mothers and children primarily, but also between partners. What Zak has done is take the research a step further, arguing in his recent book, The Moral Molecule, that oxytocin plays a role in determining whether we are good or evil.

How to Avoid Pissing off a Stripper

Let’s talk about the strippers. Whether they like to be half-naked or not, whether they enjoy turning you on or not, there’s one thing they all have in common: they’re working. Whether you think that taking one’s clothes off for money is a great choice of career is really beside the point (is it a possibility for you to make $500 per hour at your job without a law degree? Just asking). These women are providing fantasy, yes, but that is their job. And as a patron of the establishment where they work, you need to treat them like you would anyone else who provides a service to you.

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Editrix-in-Command:
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In-House Theologian:
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Eros and Desire Scholar:
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Sex and the 405 is what your newspaper would look like if it had a sex section.

Here you’ll find news about the latest research being conducted to figure out what drives desire, passion, and other sex habits; reviews of sex toys, porn and other sexy things; coverage of the latest sex-related news that have our mainstream media's panties up in a bunch; human interest pieces about sex and desire; interviews with people who love sex, or hate sex, or work in sex, or work to enable you to have better sex; opinion pieces that relate to sex and society; and the sex-related side of celebrity gossip. More...