July 20, 2010

I’ve Been Bad

Daisy, Diary 1 Comment

Daisy Tralala Journey of a Submissive

I’ve been bad. I deserve to be punished. So I lie in a dog’s cage naked, on my side with legs curled up, pondering my transgression. I’m wearing only the chain leash attached to my rhinestone-studded collar, and a thick blindfold. Sir M sits on the other side of the room in an office chair, listening to some music and ignoring me.

So this is how it’s going to be today.

I haven’t been put in a cage before. I’m a restless soul and dread the idea of being locked up for more than a few minutes. I have no idea how long I’ll be left here. Will I be allowed to use the restroom if I need to? What if I were claustrophobic?

Some time passes and not a peep out of Sir M, at least not after he initially dragged me by the leash into the cage and scolded me like a bad dog.

I have resigned myself to spending the day here in penance.

I fucked up

My goal in life is to serve Sir M. I try to serve him well and obey his orders. But this time I fucked up.

“Tell me what you did wrong Saturday night,” he bellowed in a steely cold voice.

I run through the events of last Saturday night in my head over and over.

“I failed to execute your orders properly in trying to locate Mistress E,” I whimpered.

“That’s right. That was a violation of service — tantamount to lying.”

His voice cut right through me. My joy in being with him turned to gloom.

“And what is the worst part?”

I thought carefully about how to answer this rhetorical question.

“That I didn’t complete the task I was given?”

He answered in a louder, angry voice.

“The worst thing you did was to disappoint me.”

Discipline

My heart sunk. I hated myself at that moment. I tried not to cry and my left lip twitched. I get a slight facial tick when I am upset and can’t say what I want to say. But I knew there was no point in making any excuses.

He had called attention to my mistake on Saturday night but didn’t punish me. I thought I’d gotten off easy.

Some Doms delight in setting their subs up with impossible tasks, knowing that they will fail, so they can administer punishment. But Sir M doesn’t seem to be one of those Doms.

He says he doesn’t enjoy punishing me. It’s a lot of work for him, and I’m usually sullen and no fun to play with afterwards.

I don’t know if he has a master strategy in disciplining me, or if he just follows whims. Sometimes punishment is delayed. I never know if or when it will come. But his behavior modifications are effective.

No small mistakes

On Sunday Mistress E had pulled me aside at a party and explained why my mistake was so egregious.

“You didn’t search hard enough for me, and in saying that you didn’t see me, you gave Sir M potentially false information,” Mistress E explained. “Based on that, he could have assumed I’d already gone home, and then left without me. It could have been disastrous.”

It was a simple enough order he gave me, to find her at the dungeon party where she was most likely doing an SM scene in another room. The location has a number of rooms that connect in different ways.

Some doors were closed and I didn’t want to enter. There might be private (i.e., sex) scenes going on that shouldn’t be interrupted. I tried to peek in windows, and asked someone sitting in an outer patio. He had seen her take her toy bag and go somewhere to play. So I knew she was there. But I didn’t see her where I expected to.

I came to a back room and a submissive man was peering through the window in the door and completely blocking the doorway. His bare penis poked out from the tights he wore.

Male submissives like that make me extremely uncomfortable. It seems like such a waste of a man! But I had to interact with him to get in the room.

I stepped into the room, glanced around quickly, and saw three scenes going on. I darted back past the submissive man and couldn’t wait to get out of there.

Apparently I didn’t look carefully enough because later I learned that Mistress E was in that room, involved in one of the scenes. The female sub she was playing with had lost a lot of weight and so I didn’t recognize her naked body chained to the cross. Mistress E may have had her head down, searching through her toy bag.

Mistress E is Sir M’s partner, also a Dominant. She expects subs to be extremely service-oriented. That has not been my strong suit — I’m used to having people work for me. But I’m trying to learn how to be of service as a sub.

“When you carry out an order you need to think outside the box if there isn’t an easy solution,” Mistress E explained. “You will have to move heaven and earth if that’s what it takes to get it done. No excuses.”

I understood her point and wondered why I’d been in such a hurry to try and find her. I should have been more thorough. I felt badly.

“I’m sorry Ma’am. It won’t happen again,” I said. Then I tucked into a second plate of BBQ and enjoyed the party. I thought that was the end of that topic.

Release

I clutch the pillow that was graciously left for me in the cage. I am weeping and the blindfold is saturated with my tears.

Finally I hear the cage clank open and feel Sir M yank the leash and lead me roughly, on all fours, down a hallway. He pulls off my blindfold and I see the toilet.

I have a small freak out, imagining that he is going to dunk my head in the toilet. However, he tells me to sit on it.

He leaves the door open so I have no personal privacy.

I sit and pee, feeling humiliated. My head slumps down.

He drags me back to the other room and removes the leash.

“Alright, I have decided not to punish you any further. You are lucky!”

I quickly reply, “THANK YOU SIR!”

I expected that he would beat the hell out of me and leave me in the cage for two or three hours, but he didn’t… this time.

Public humiliation

“You are ordered to write about this for Sex and the 405! I want you to share what you did so everyone will know how badly you fucked up.”

That is an order I have to obey — I will make no mistakes after narrowly escaping heinous punishment.

As soon as I left there I started to draft this story.

Spending my day off in a cage for any length of time is not my idea of a good time. Admitting my stupid mistake publicly is humiliating and painful. But knowing that I disappointed Sir M is the worst punishment of all. I hope I will not fuck up again.

Daisy

Daisy TraLaLA (@daisytralala) is a saucy Angeleno kinkster who glides with ease between the worlds of tech, art, cuisine, electronica and dungeon parties.

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