Patty Brisben, the CEO of Pure Romance, a sex toy party company, thinks you should never fake an orgasm.
“If you’re an orgasm faker, you are doing you and your spouse a major injustice!” she writes in a piece for Hitched Mag. “By faking pleasure, you’re not only neglecting your needs, but you aren’t being honest with your spouse.”
Ensuring your partner understands how to fill you is important, but focusing on orgasm alone is a disservice, too. For me, orgasm isn’t the goal of sex.
I’ve been with men who could make me cum like that and men who rarely made me cum and guess what? The better lovers were not always the ones who made me cum. For me, sex isn’t about cumming.
In fact, I live in fear of sex as a race to the finish line. I had that once. It’s the dessication of the spirit.
Sex for me is not a simple craving satisfied by release. It’s a transcendental, all-encompassing thing–well, if it’s done right, anyway. Whereas making someone cum is pretty easy to understand, the ways to take someone to a whole different plane of existence is not easily spelled out.
There is no easy “find her clit, hit her G spot” prescription for it. Good sex requires energy, surrender, creativity, the suspension of reality, the orchestration of all the senses.
Notice I didn’t say it requires time. It doesn’t. It could be a quick thing. But its objective is different than hurrying it along and making everyone cum. Its objective is the experience.
The journey, if you will, as opposed to the destination.
I think if people focused on the experience as much as they worried on whether they were going to make me cum, we’d both really be able to let go and enjoy the moment. A moment crowned in eroticism and sensuality.
Image by Javier Soltero.