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Old Car, New Tricks

December 2, 2009 Lessons No Comments

viperI love machines, but I’m not much of a car girl. In fact, I tend to think men with the newest, hottest ride are trying to compensate for something. But being a creature of comfort, I can’t tell you how much I dig cars that allow you to get the heat or A/C going before you even leave your house.

Now that, that is sexy.

And now, you can too can enjoy this luxury in your good ol’ ride, courtesy of Viper.

Bye-bye clunky remotes thrown in with the keys, now all you need is your iPhone, which, if you have one, is already on you, pretty much attached like a third kidney.

With it, you can control more than one car, and assign more than one user to a car. No more “honey, where are your keys?”

And screw worrying about whether you’re in range.

That’s tech baby–and it’s hot.

Viper’s SmartStart app is free at the iTunes store and service is just a sweet $30 a year. Of course, you’ll have to get the system on your car, which can run you up to $500, if you don’t have a Viper-compatible car. But, hey, I think you’re worth it.

Your dates will be appropriately appreciative, too.

Hopefully you don’t have one of those huge, bummer consoles between your seat and shotgun. Just saying.

Newsflash! Women Like Porn

November 27, 2009 Lessons, Porn 2 Comments

We know that porn is no longer simply the realm of men, but just how many women are down? Dr. Yvonne Fulbright, founder of Sexuality Source and a sex columnist for Fox News, explores the inconsistencies in data:

During the first third of 2007, the Nielsen/Net Ratings reported that about one in three visitors to adult entertainment Web sites were female, with almost 13 million American women checking out porn online at least monthly.

This sounds like a lot, until you compare it to other findings. A Marie Claire/Esquire sex survey reported that only 17 percent of women go online for porn. The Australian government, too, reported that 17 percent of Australian women are porn consumers. (This is up 10 percent from more than one decade earlier).

Then there’s the matter of a testament on porn’s popularity often coming down to who stands to profit — or promote a personal agenda — in hyping up headlines. Hustler claims 56 percent of business at its video stores comes from women. At a recent sexuality conference, I questioned one female-oriented porn site presenter’s claim that the vast majority of women these days are into porn.

Where is the good study to support that? While the presenter’s site claimed 10,000 porn downloads per month, she had no way of knowing who was making the purchase, male or female. Regardless of the presenter’s irresponsibility in claiming to know more than she did, that sales number isn’t a lot when you consider that this is a multibillion-dollar industry.

Finally, there’s the issue of how porn is being defined in survey efforts. People tend to have distinct definitions for what constitutes porn versus erotica, which can influence data. I’ve also seen porn consumption defined beyond downloads or rentals, including activities like purchasing sex toys and phone sex.

Thus, exact numbers on who dabbles in explicit visual imagery become blurred.

Are you a woman who consumes pornography?

Sex in the Shower

November 25, 2009 How To, Lessons No Comments

shower

Debby Herbernick, the sex professor and author of Because It Feels Good has some pointers for getting it on wet and wild-style:

Wet doesn’t actually mean lubricated.

“As anyone who has spent significant time in a bath tub or shower knows, warm water can dry the skin and turn us all a bit prune-like,” she says. This also applies to the vagina, so make sure that you or your partner are well-lubricated before getting started.

Not all lubricants are created equal.

Water-based lubricant is, duh, soluble in water, so it won’t work. Oil-based lubricants work best in my opinion, but these are unsafe if you’re using a condom (more about this later). The best bet for condoms and showers, then, are silicone lubes. “Silicone based lubricants are slicker, longer lasting and difficult to wash away,” Herbenick notes.

Condoms have not been tested for underwater sex.

Careful here. We don’t know how safe condoms are in water. Will they slip or break more easily? “If you are relying on condoms for the prevention of sexually transmissible infections (STI) or pregnancy, then you should perhaps stick to sex on dry land rather than sex in the shower or bath,” the sex prof says.

Positions in the shower can be challenging.

“Rather than be rigid about how sex in the shower ‘should’ be, try expanding your idea of shower play,” Herbenick says. “Why not soap each other’s bodies up, or indulge in some oral sex play, as a means of foreplay? Sex in the shower can be used to enhance excitement and arousal before you transfer to dry sex, or at least the bed, for other types of sex you might wish to engage in.”

Personally, I find sex standing, with penetration happening from behind, most effective. If there are height issues, you can easily adjust at the knees. This requires a little bit of lower body strength, but it’s worth your while if you want the full experience.

Crisis! My Friend Is Dating A Man-Eater

November 25, 2009 Help!, Lessons No Comments

My friend has been talking about this girl for months. After a while of being unable to express any emotion for anyone, it seems he’s finally found his heart. The problem? I know this girl. She’s a well-known man-eater. She went out with another friend of mine for a while, totally used him, and left him high, dry and utterly devastated. I can’t tell my friend about this other relationship because it’s supposed to be a secret and I know people in the throes of infatuation don’t really listen anyway… so what do I do?

Here’s the thing–when it comes to people, you really don’t know what’s going to happen. No matter how close we are to someone in a relationship, we don’t really know the inner workings of their union or the reasons why it didn’t work out. It’s possible you don’t have all the details, or that she’s changed, or that this man she’s dating now will revolutionize her world just as she has his. The only thing you can really do in this situation is wait and see what happens.

You might be unable to tell him about the past entanglements–either because you’ve been sworn to secrecy or because they’re hearsay and you don’t have all the information–but you can still point out things that may go down between them that you’re not in agreement with. Be there for your friend, but remember that you’re a friend and not a parent. We will all make mistakes–we have to. That’s how we learn. Stand by him and guide him to the best of your ability should issues come up between them.

That is all you can do.

Sex Writing 101

November 24, 2009 Lessons No Comments

Every once in a while, a situation calls for it. You spent the hottest night with someone and you need to commemorate it. Hey, I’m not judging, we’re all oversharers here. Not to mention, there is nothing more erotic than being immortalized by a lover in well-written prose. But how to go about writing out the hot encounter?

In celebration of the Literary Review‘s Bad Sex Awards, I’ve written a list of important points to keep in mind when making the attempt.

Of course, there is something for which Miller must be commended, and that is his utter refusal to use ridiculous metaphors and similes when describing sex. Now, I have broken this rule, but as my English 202 teacher used to say in high school, “thou shalt only break rules knowingly.” Sometimes the character from whose point of view you’re operating needs it. Fine. Whatever you do, do it intentionally and don’t you dare overextend.

Key of Pleasure. Cherry Flip. Perfect Dream. Scarlet Marvel. Heart’s Desire. Fringed Beauty. Diamond Shiner. Lovely Dream. Cream Perfection. Burgundy Lace. Treasure. Doorman’s Favorite. Wonder of Spring. Red Paradise. Blushing Beauty. Deep River. Burning Desire. King’s Mountain. Finale. Dark Secret. Flaming Torch. Ruby Prince. Explosion. Final Touch. Garden Spot. Gold Crest. Imperial Giant. The Bishop. The Skipper. Temple of Beauty. Peach Blossom. Pink Jewel. Red Bouquet.

These are the names of tulips. Let us allow them to remain the names of tulips.

Go read all10 tips for hot written sex!

Adora Flame’s Top 10 Searing Songs to be Seduced to

November 23, 2009 Homework 1 Comment

Music was my first love, and right now I feel like making love.   So, in the spirit of AV’s “15 High-Energy Songs to Have Sex to,”  I’ve compiled a list of tunes that make me swoon.  

FOR YOUR LISTENING PLEASURE

 

IN LOVE WITH YOU – Erykah Badu & Stephen Marley

He said he’s really diggin me.  I don’t know what to say
I can’t imagine why I feel so weak, say, say.  
That’s when he took my heart in his hands, and kissed it gently.
He open up his lips then said this poetry. 

 ALL YOUR WAY – Morphine

I run good but I’m hard to start, and the brakes are bad so I’m hard to stop. I found a woman who’s soft but she’s also hard.  While I slept she nailed down my heart.

MAY THIS BE LOVE – Jimi Hendrix

Waterfall, nothing can harm me at all,
my worries seem so very small
with my waterfall.

NUMBER 1 CRUSH: – Garbage

I will lie for you,
beg and steal for you,
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see,
you’re just like me.

ONLY YOU  – Portishead

It’s only you, who can tell me apart
And it’s only you, who can turn my wooden heart

STRANGLEHOLD  – Ted Nugent

Here I come again now baby like a dog in heat. Tell it’s me by the way now baby.  I like to tap the streets. 

FEELS LIKE HEAVEN – Kenny Vaughan & the Art of Love

When I’m with you baby (lalalalala lala)
You make me feel so good inside (Oooooooh) {just can’t stand it baby}
everything we do, every place we go (lalalalala lala)
I caught my love oh no no

DREAM – Alice Smith

There was a time that I didn’t have you around.  Back in them days my heart never made a sound.  Now it’s beating like my head’s in the clouds.
Never doubt that I’m a always be down to hang around you.

THE BEAUTIFUL ONES – Prince

Baby, baby, baby, can’t you stay with me tonight?  Oh baby, baby, baby, don’t my kisses please u right? 
You were so hard to find
the beautiful ones, they hurt you everytime.

WHOLE LOTTA LOVE – Led Zeppelin

You’ve been coolin’, baby, I’ve been droolin’, 
All the good times I’ve been misusin’, 
Way, way down inside, I’m gonna give you my love, 
I’m gonna give you every inch of my love, 
Gonna give you my love.

Mall Rat Concierge

November 23, 2009 Lessons No Comments

groveWe know, we know, malls are horrible things. But there’s a chance they’re getting better–at least here in Southern California.

Introducing: the One Touch Concierge, an application for iPhone, BlackBerry or computer that allows you to make requests and get interactive service, such as arranging for a stroller, wheelchair, bell cart, making restaurant reservations, and getting movie tickets.

It’s still a mall and you will still be among the unwashed masses, but it just got a little more bearable. Who knows, you might meet someone one day who thinks semi-public sex at the mall is hot or something and be able to impress her by having the car washed while you ravage her in a changing room at Abercrombie & Fitch.

Hey, we’re not judging.

Information from LA Racked. Get it for The Grove and The Americana at Brand.

A Love Note

November 20, 2009 Lessons No Comments

noteLadies, if there is anything I would like to stress in this piece, it is the all too forgotten power of ink and penmanship…

In this overly digital age, we have completely lost sight of the sexiness that is a woman’s handwriting. Mix that with the intentions to show both gratitude for an evening of pleasure and a mischievous desire to revisit, and you get a classic PG-rated memento, with XXX implications.

It had been a very long time since I have received a love note.

Maybe my previous performances hadn’t been note worthy…perhaps. Or maybe, along with most of the world, we have lost sight of what it means to offer a true and organic personal touch. Well, I’m here to say that you need to bring it back, because the results can be, well… orgasmic!

Her note was extremely terse and succinct, but written with a handwriting reserved for Kings and Queens.

It very simply stated, “You’re delicious”, and she signed her initial. Then she just simply placed it on top of my laptop, and let herself out of my hotel room. When I returned to the room, though I would have preferred seeing the dark-haired beauty still lying naked amidst the sheets, focusing in on the note brought about a perfect smile.

Granted, there are times when this endearing attempt will fall tremendously short, and your note will end up as his basketball practice into the garbage can. Ladies, know your audience. You are clearly the superior species, with a level of perception for the opposite sex that completely scares the shit out of me. Therefore, use this tool when it fits, and do not force it. If you are the item of the evening, do not romanticize it, just use him back. However, if there is a connection, and he is interested, this little extra effort will work out beautifully.

It worked beautifully on me, and one day I may even share what I did with my “delicious” XXX implicated memento…

Image from Jaime.

7 Tips On Meeting Older Women (And Where To Find Them)

November 18, 2009 How To 2 Comments
The Sexiest MILF on the Planet, Brenda James

The Sexiest MILF on the Planet, Brenda James

On my last diary post, a commenter asked for more on older women, specifically where to find them.

I personally believe potential cougars and MILF partners are everywhere and that it’s more about taking a situation to that level.

So before I get to the question of “where,” let’s list some basic tips:

Older Woman How To

  1. Scout’s Motto. Make sure this is what you want – that it is a fantasy you really want played out – and be prepared for an amazing time when it happens. Don’t get soft on her.
  2. Game Over. Many older woman are done playing the coy games we do in our twenties.  Be honest about what you want because she will be direct about about her desires.
  3. Listen. On that note of directness, listen to her words because she is still a classy woman who will expect you have some brains to read between her obvious lines.
  4. Play. She’s not flirting or initiating conversation to waste her or your time.  Flirt back because there’s an endgame that will leave you satisfied.
  5. Respect. If she has children, you must understand that she may not want you at her home, or at least when her kids are home. Don’t be pushy, be patient, it’s worth it.
  6. Foreplay. It may or may not happen (sometimes, she just wants it… and right now). Go with that flow and give your all if in foreplay mode.
  7. Endurance. She’s likely at a sexual peak unlike any before.  It might be a long, but awesome night.  You’re young (that’s part of the attraction) so make sure you’re hard for long enough! Expect to do it multiple times in a night.

Now, on to where to find a frisky kitty woman.  There’s no one answer to this. Here in Los Angeles, cougar dens, as they call them, can be found in suburbia.  Think The Southbay, Agoura Hills/Thousand Oaks, Orange County, Pasadena. That may sound a bit stereotypical but in my experience, the divorced women living here are feeling a bit sheltered so it’s your job to spice up her life.  Still, MILFs are everywhere:

  • Online: Whether it be MySpace or Facebook, does she list her self as single and looking? Does she have other younger guys as friends? If on a dating website, does she directly say she likes younger men.  Did she look at your profile? Remember, older women will be more upfront than younger women in most cases. If she’s flirting, follow through because, remember, she’s done with games.
  • The grocery store (or any store for this matter), art galleries, coffeeshop: Does she look your way often, make eye contact, did she throw you a smile? And if she asks you a dumb question about where the soy sauce is, the door is definitely open for you to engage.
  • At bars, on the casino floor, social situations: Things should be fairly obvious in these situations, but the drinking makes people more flirty  than usual, even if she’s not looking. But hey, in places like that, live it up, be yourself and have fun as that’s what a woman will find attractive.
  • On the sidewalk.  In all cases like this, it doesn’t hurt to throw a smile in when you make eye contact. You would be amazed how little people do this and how much such a small gesture can open things up.

Got questions, comments?  Ask, let it be known, etc.  You can also follow me on Twitter at @Arrow405.

Above photo of Brenda James via her website.

International Quickie Day

November 18, 2009 Homework 2 Comments

cosmoAs a woman, I’m impressed by endurance during sex. But I have to confess that there are times when a quickie is far more suitable.

These are crazy busy times, after all, sometimes, we just want to take it to go.

Problem? I find that the art of the quickie has nearly been lost. So we here at Sex and the 405 have decided that today is going to be International Quickie Day and we’re all going to practice this fine, nearly lost tradition.

The instructions are simple: just do it. Don’t wait for the time or place, the sunset or the next glass of wine, just freaking do it.

A few positions to get you started (excuse the names and heteronormativity–it’s Cosmo. We tried doing our own but we don’t know if you understand hieroglyphs and Nerve’s stuff is MIA):

Stand and deliver: standing, to be done up against a wall.

The Hot Rod: leg raised, with man entering from behind.

The Lusty Leg Lift: standing with a leg up over his shoulder.

Sofa Spread-Eagle: on a couch, spread your legs until you’re level with your partner’s penis.

Slippery When Wet: standing, he enters from behind.

Have at them, but remember–a quickie is less than ten minutes.

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Gamers Won’t Be Seduced, Will Stare At Random Cleav Instead

That Steam allows the objectification and sexualization of female characters in a variety of its games but refuses to accept a game about actually engaging with women in a more interactive fashion is astonishingly backward.

FetLife Is Not Safe for Users

That the site doesn’t take measures to protect user content and has shown incompetence or negligence in regard to user privacy, all the while prohibiting victims from warning others about predatory behavior creates an environment where it is nearly impossible for members of the community to take care of themselves and one another. By enabling FetLife to continue espousing a code of silence, allowing the spinning self-created security issues as “attacks,” and not pointing out how disingenuous FetLife statements about safety are, we are allowing our community to become a breeding ground for exploitation.

Why You Should Vote No On Prop 35

Should people who benefit (parents, siblings, children, roommates!) from the earnings of “commercial sex acts” (any sexual conduct connected to the giving or receiving of something of value) be charged with human trafficking? Should someone who creates obscene material that is deemed “deviant” be charged as with human trafficking? Should someone who profits from obscene materials be charged with human trafficking? Should people transporting obscene materials be charged with human trafficking? Should a person who engages in sex with someone claiming to be above the age of consent or furnishing a fake ID to this effect be charged with human trafficking? What if I told you the sentences for that kind of conviction were eight, 14 or 20 years in prison, a fine not to exceed $500,000, and life as a registered sex offender?

Pretty and Calls Herself a Geek? Attention Whore!

If you are a woman, you might be given a chance to prove yourself in this community. Since there is no standard definition of what a “geek” is and it will vary from one judge to the next anyway, chances of failing are high (cake and grief counseling will be available after the conclusion of the test!). If you somehow manage to succeed, you’ll be tested again and again by anyone who encounters you until you manage to establish yourself like, say, Felicia Day. But even then, you’ll be questioned. As a woman, your whole existence within the geek community will be nothing but a series of tests — if you’re lucky. If you aren’t lucky, you’ll be harassed and threatened and those within the culture will tacitly agree that you deserve it.

Cuddle Chemical? Moral Molecule? Not So Fast

Zak’s original field, it turns out, is economics, a far cry from the hearts and teddy bears we imagine when we consider his nickname. But after performing experiments on generosity, Zak stumbled on the importance of trust in interactions, which led him, rather inevitably, to research about oxytocin. Oxytocin, you might remember, is a hormone that has been linked previously to bonding — between mothers and children primarily, but also between partners. What Zak has done is take the research a step further, arguing in his recent book, The Moral Molecule, that oxytocin plays a role in determining whether we are good or evil.

How to Avoid Pissing off a Stripper

Let’s talk about the strippers. Whether they like to be half-naked or not, whether they enjoy turning you on or not, there’s one thing they all have in common: they’re working. Whether you think that taking one’s clothes off for money is a great choice of career is really beside the point (is it a possibility for you to make $500 per hour at your job without a law degree? Just asking). These women are providing fantasy, yes, but that is their job. And as a patron of the establishment where they work, you need to treat them like you would anyone else who provides a service to you.

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Sex and the 405 is what your newspaper would look like if it had a sex section.

Here you’ll find news about the latest research being conducted to figure out what drives desire, passion, and other sex habits; reviews of sex toys, porn and other sexy things; coverage of the latest sex-related news that have our mainstream media's panties up in a bunch; human interest pieces about sex and desire; interviews with people who love sex, or hate sex, or work in sex, or work to enable you to have better sex; opinion pieces that relate to sex and society; and the sex-related side of celebrity gossip. More...