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Does Masturbating Give Me Zits?

December 29, 2009 Lessons No Comments

Sexperts get all kinds of weird questions, but every once in a while, questions are so duh in the style of How Is Babby Formed, we just feel we have to share. This one comes to you courtesy of the Bangalore Mirror:

I am a 22-year-old man and I have been masturbating since the past six years. Will masturbation adversely affect my future married life? Also I notice that within a few days of masturbating, I get pimples on my face as also new strands of grey hair on my head. Is this related to masturbation or the fact that I have a low sperm count?

How far we have yet to go as educators!

(And for the record, no, blemishes and gray hair are not related to masturbating.)

Great Sexpectations: New Year’s Eve

December 27, 2009 Lessons, Opinion No Comments

My ex-husband proposed to me on New Year’s Eve at my favorite restaurant in Lima, over to-die-for anticuchos de foie gras (later, when we found ourselves seated beside the chef, Gaston Acurio, on a flight out of the city, I’d joke that if my marriage fell apart, I’d blame it entirely on the menu. It’s funny now, you can laugh).

We’d talked about marriage before he proposed, what we expected, what we wanted, children (that we didn’t want any)–we’d even discussed the terms of our divorce, should it ever happen (because we’re cynical assholes like that, but let me tell you, when it came down to it, we had a relatively painless divorce because we were pretty clear on everything. Just saying).

Anyway, my point in bringing this up is that I wasn’t expecting it. So when the countdown started and everyone rose and he got down on one knee, it was all sorts of magical.

And if he hadn’t gotten down on one knee (he told me he’d been debating having the pilot of the plane propose during that flight I mentioned previously), I wouldn’t have been disappointed.

Expectations are silent killers. They corrode love and passion from the inside. Now, I’m not saying you should expect nothing. If you wish to be married and meet someone with whom you see that happening and you talk about it and the person is in agreement that they wish to one day marry, then you should be free to imagine one day that person will be you and free to express this desire.

But don’t put a date to it. And don’t imagine that somehow, telepathically, your significant other is going to know when you think it should happen.

Here’s an infographic for you, courtesy of Tracy Cox’s excellent column at News of the World:

Talk about what you want and what you expect honestly. Be clear, without pressuring the other person. Ask what your partner wants and expects, too. Listen.

Here’s the cynic again: if proposals that come from the heart have a low chance of survival as it is–do you really think proposals that are born in a pressure cooker are going to fare better?

Relax, sip some bubbly, and give each other a movie-screen kiss to usher in the new year. Magical memories can be made out of any moment–they don’t require a ring.

Infographic from News of the World.

Angie vs. Jen: The PORN

December 27, 2009 Hollywoody, News, Porn 1 Comment

Didn’t get everything you wanted this Christmas? Here’s a consolation prize for you like no other.

Hustler is releasing a skin flick based on our speculations about Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston’s feud in Hustler’s Untrue Hollywood Stories: Angelina Jolie vs. Jennifer Aniston!

“We were very pleased with the casting of the movie because the girls looked so much like the celebrities they were playing,” director Stuart Canterbury says in a release on Hustler World. “Of course, the highlight of the movie is the showdown when the girls get into a catfight on the red carpet. The performers were so into their characters, and we turned that energy into some smoking-hot sex.”

Of course, this being a porn flick, the wrestling match quickly becomes a lusty exchange between the two ladies. This, people, is what “make love, not war” looks like. Watch a clip below:

Image from Sponkit. Information from Hustler World, via Perez Hilton.

The Eco-Sexual Invasion

December 25, 2009 Lube, Safety, Toys 1 Comment

Those earth-loving peeps, they’re all over the place fighting to make sure we don’t screw up ourselves or this fine planet completely. Having made strides in green living from noms to cars and light bulbs, they’re now moving into the bedroom.

Here is the latest in healthy alternatives for your loving pleasure:


A surprising amount of sex toys contain phthalates (which only looks scary to pronounce–say it like this: “thalates.” Good job), PVC softeners that have been found to inhibit endocrine, which some studies have linked to premature puberty in girls and low sperm production in boys.

As a result of health concerns, many companies are working to produce non-toxic alternatives.

Among the many companies hitting the market are Earth Erotics, who also make that killer recycled rubber whip we showed you a month ago.


Have you ever read the back of a bottle of lube? I’ll admit I didn’t until long into my 20s. Lube was something I judged based on how it felt–like most everything relating to sex. And then, I did it. I’ll tell you one thing: I wish I hadn’t. Dicksoftenus maximus.

Lucky for us, there’s now a booming industry of lubes devoted to stamping out scary petrochemicals and parabens: aloe lubes, shea and cocoa butter lubes, and all-natural lubes.

My personal favorite all-natural lubricant? Extra virgin organic coconut oil. You can pick it up at any organic market along with your groceries. Smells great, tastes great, doubles as an unparalleled massage oil and leaves your skin feeling delicious.

Remember one thing when shopping for your new top-notch eco-sex lube (and this goes especially for the coconut oil): some products are oil-based and not latex-compatible. Make sure that you and your partner or partners have been tested for STIs and there’s another form of birth control in place before engaging in unprotected sex or sex that mixes latex-incompatible lubes and condoms.


We’ve told you about vegan condoms, which replace the milk protein casein in latex condoms with a non-animal alternative. And for the super socially-conscious, there is French Letter, which offers an array of fair-trade rubber condoms.

Information from The Times of India and our own fountain of genius.

RealTouch: The Fleshlight Goes High-Tech

December 23, 2009 Toys No Comments

The holidays can be a brutal time for singles, people in long-distance situations, and the otherwise sensory deprived.

Well, look no further, boys. Technology is your friend.

Introducing the RealTouch! A Fleshlight-like pleasure instrument that syncs up with your porn to provide you the sort of sensory experience you only dreamed about–until now!

I knew it was only a matter of time before technology took penile stimulation to the other side after watching Ron Jeremy’s One Eyed Monster (remember that red-headed geek’s ultimate weapon? Mmm, yes. And we’re kidding about the geek part, Caleb, you know we love you).

So get this: the RealTouch has a haptic encoder, you just plug the USB into your computer, log into your account at RealTouch.com and select from hundreds of scenes specifically coded to transmit the movements and sensations of your favorite porn stars’ goods to your dick.

It’s not just squeezing though, it’s heat, wetness, friction and intensity. The ass will be tighter and hotter than the vagina. The hands will feel different than the action between the tits. Some girls are wetter than others–you name it, those boys in North Carolina have thought of it and coded appropriately.

And all you have to do is stand there. Well, all you have to do is fork over $199.95, then just stand there.

How does this work? I think it’s better to embrace mystery, but if you insist: this perfect multi-talented machine brings you all the heavenly delights with a combination of conveyor belts, heating coils, a lube reservoir, and a tight seal. (And just FYI: the ever-growing library includes straight, gay, she-male and, for you supergeeks, anime pr0n).

I’ve lost to machines before (PS3, XBOX…) and neither could simulate Booty Duty action or a leggy cartoon babe getting quadruple penetrated by an alien. I damn well better up my game, like, now.

Problems: there is no available Mac version yet, and Gizmodo has reported technical issues with Windows 7. Basically, this is an XP and Vista plaything for now. But stay tuned.

Image and information from Fleshbot.

Monday Is Global Orgasm Day!

December 19, 2009 Homework, Lessons 4 Comments

Monday, December 21, 2009, 9:47AM PST. Prepare to cum.

I know you don’t need an excuse, but let me tell you about this anyway because it’s, like, whoa.

The Global Consciousness Project is an international group of scientists, engineers and thinkers across all disciplines that keeps a network of things called Random Event Generators (called EGGs), magical machines that produce streams of random numbers, which have been shown become less and less random during global, attention-focusing events.

Could it be? Could human attention have an effect on energy and matter?

Possibly. What the Global Consciousness Project wants to do is examine the subtle correlations that reflect the presence and activity of consciousness in the world.

“We have learned that when millions of us share intentions and emotions, the GCP/EGG network shows correlations,” their site reads. “We can interpret this as evidence for participation in a growing global consciousness. It suggests we have the capability and responsibility for conscious evolution.”

Imagine what would happen if a significant portion of the population focused his or her energy on orgasm?

It’s a cool experiment. Of course, then the Globalgasm page gets all The Secret New Age-y, talking about how cumming all together will be like giving the world an epic hug, but, hey, whatevs–maybe Causecast will pick it up.

Information from Globalgasm.

Kama Sutra: The Embraces

December 16, 2009 Kama Sutra, Lessons No Comments

kamasutraThis is an excerpt from the unabridged Kama Sutra, a sacred Indian text about the art of love and eroticism.

Before copulation, in order to arouse the penis with desire, the following four kinds of caress are practiced:


It is termed contact when the boy and girl are face to face, body pressing against body, uniting the areas involved. Although in contact, there is no question of penetration.


In an isolated spot, finding her sitting or standing, he seizes her breasts. Since the boy hurts her by catching hold of her, it is called bruising.

The girl does not refuse the advances of the enterprising boy and does not go away. She allows him to continue, but there is no question of sleeping together, since they are not yet lovers.

Even in an isolated spot, she is reluctant to uncover her breasts. What can he do in order to knead them? Having drawn close, he finds some pretext to place his hands on her breasts. If she resists, the boy puts his arms around her and, uncovering his own sex, presses it against her from behind. Then, freeing her from his embrace, he kneads her breasts until she experiences a certain pleasure, sliding his penis between them and bruising them.

If they are not excited and do not speak, it will not work.


In the darkness, if people are present, or otherwise in an isolated place, they stroll slowly showing their bodies to each other, not just for an instant, but for some time.

The boy shows his body, the girl only the area involved. They caress each other and are both excited. Or else, he only exposes himself, while she remains clothed.


Leaning against a wall or a pillar, he presses his erect organ against her.

Image from The Daily Loaf. Information from The Complete Kama Sutra, translated by Alain Danielou.

Save The Libido: Happiness In 7 Bullet Points

December 13, 2009 Homework 1 Comment

Depression kills the libido, which essentially means that we at Sex and the 405 are committed to your happiness. This being the country of the self-made and the self-help book, and seeing as we are sailing through a dicksoftenus maximus of a recession, we thought we would put forth this excellent guide to happiness by Robert Fischer, our favorite geek and spiritual beacon hybrid:

  • 1. Stop Being a Dick

    When you get a reaction from strangers, they’re not actually reacting to you. They’re reacting to some stereotype and set of assumptions about who you are based on how you look, how you carry yourself, and the kind of person they are expecting to bump into in their current situation. So whatever it is they just did, whatever it is that you think was some great offense to your person, just let it go. It’s not worth escalating the situation, because you aren’t going to get anything positive out of the situation, and you’re just ruining everyone’s time. So leave strangers alone.

    As for everyone else, you’ve got even more reason to stop being a dick. If someone says something that you don’t like, yelling isn’t going to accomplish anything except grating on everyone else around you. Oh, sure, you may get them to shut up. You may even intimidate them to admitting you’re right or taking back what they said. But they didn’t mean it, and if they cared or had the guts, they’d still be standing up to you. And as soon as you leave the room or they think you won’t notice, they’ll go back to being exactly the way they were before you yelled at them. Congratulations, you’ve done nothing by being a dick except make everyone regret that you were invited to the party.

  • 2. Stop Whining

    Look, everything you might want to whine about falls into one of two camps: either you can do something about it, or you can’t. If you can do something about it, then put the energy you were going to put into whining into actually fixing it. If you can’t do anything about it, then your whining isn’t going to do anything except continue your cycle of self-loathing and make you a general downer.

  • 3. Get Out, Get Some Exercise, Unplug, and Deal with Real People

    If you’re in your house all the time, surrounded by your own hand-picked decorations and designs, and you go out only when insulated by your iPod’s earphones and something to be burying your eyes in, the it’s no surprise you’re unhappy. Human beings are social creatures. That means you will be a lot happier if you socialize. And, y’know what’s really weird? Most people won’t think you’re anything other than friendly if you strike up a conversation.

  • 4. If People Are Treating You Like Crap, Then Let Them Go

    There are lots of people out there who aren’t listening to #1 (”Don’t be a Dick”). They, for some reason or another, are out to bully you, to passive-aggressively control you, to tell you that you are wrong, to use you as a punching bag (verbally or otherwise) and to generally be a problem. So let them go. Stop hanging out with them, and put plenty of distance between you and them. No matter what that person might say, you know that you don’t deserve what they’re dishing out, so pick up your dignity and hit the road.

    There are 7 billion people on the world. You can afford to not hang out with that one again.

  • 5. Your Critics Are Always Right

    If someone seriously says that you are some way — if they tell you you’re embarrassing to be around, or if they compare you to someone you hate, or if they say you’re not a very nice person, or whatever — then you are that way. You may not be that way in the core of your being, and you may not want to be that way, and it may be a surprise that you have come off that way, but their perception of you is valid, and you need to accept and deal with that. What did you do that made them think that was true? Ask yourself (and them) these questions, and see if you can take it as an opportunity for self-improvement.

    Now, of course, you need to be sure they’re serious: something said in the middle of a fight or said flippantly doesn’t really qualify. So you need to be sure they’re serious. But if your critic is serious, then your critic is right.

  • 6. Do Hard Stuff for a Change

    For some reason, our society tries to ask as little as possible from you. Don’t let it.

    It’s hard to make a new friend. It’s hard to vest yourself in a job, or in a project, and to really start to care about it. It’s hard to fight for your career, and to do what needs to be done to advance it. It’s hard to get out of your comfort zone and experience things or listen to people that are totally foreign. It’s hard to demand your dignity, it’s hard to submit to humility, and it’s hard to focus on self-improvement instead of self-destruction.

    But, if you do those things, you’ll be happier for it. Take the hard road: that’s where the good stuff is.

  • 7. Let Stuff Go/Suck It Up

    Most things aren’t worth the effort we put into them. We get angrier about them than they’re worth, we worry more about them than they’re worth, and we generally ruin
    ourselves over pittances. Let it go. Not a huge fan of where people are going to lunch? Suck it up and go with them anyway. Try something different. Still angry about something someone said to you years ago? Let it go: the reality is that they probably don’t even remember it. Whatever it is that you’re all hung up on that’s been ruining your decade, just let it go. It’s seriously not worth the effort you’re putting into it.

    Along this same vein: you can’t control everything, so don’t try. Let it go. Have some confidence in yourself: you’ll find a way to deal with it — whatever “it” is — when you get to it. Human beings are wonderfully adaptable creatures, and there have been others who have found ways to deal with worse than you will ever see.

How’s that for Sunday brunch food for thought? And it didn’t even cost you the $40 you might have paid for a self-help book!

You’re welcome. Now go and bestow some warmth on someone who means something to you.

You can read Robert Fischer’s blog at Enfranchised Mind. He’s @RobertFischer on Twitter.

How To Be An Ethical Bastard

December 10, 2009 How To, Lessons No Comments

Some of us are just not looking for a relationship. We have our reasons—and I don’t think there is anything necessarily wrong with it, assuming, of course, that you don’t behave like a total douchebag.

I wrote a piece for Manolith this week that spells out how to go about acquiring and keeping happy lovers.

Here’s a preview:

The object of your attention must be aware that you are not seeking a relationship. This doesn’t necessarily mean sitting the woman down before the first drink and spelling it out for her, but if you’re man enough and do, that’s the best way. Do not assume that your reputation precedes you. By this I don’t mean a bad reputation, I mean a general understanding among members of your social circle that you’re not the relationship kind.

Since I want a partnership where one party looks out for the other as friends do, and there is very little buddy about “fuck buddy,” I avoid that term and put it like this: “I’m not looking for an exclusive relationship. I’m looking for a non-committed, long-term, mutually-beneficial partnership.”

Now, I’m not saying that it’s bad to wish to have a purely physical relationship with someone. If that’s what you want and that’s what she wants, then by all means proceed. However, I should mention that I’ve never met a man who didn’t eventually confess a degree of vexation at the idea that I only kept him around for sex.

It’s human nature. We want to be special. And we should be. Even if our particular brand of special doesn’t involve exclusivity. In any case: The key point here is that the terms of the relationship must be clear to all parties.

If you suspect you need to cloud your intentions because the person you’re pursuing wouldn’t go for you unless you suggested you’d eventually be her man, you: a.) don’t know how to pick your audience, b.) don’t have balls, and c.) should probably stick to getting chicks drunk and taking them home, then never calling them again.

Remember one thing: in today’s world of digital nomads, it’s great folly to burn bridges.

You can read it all here.

Kama Sutra: Thou Must Not Cum Quickly

December 2, 2009 Kama Sutra, Lessons 1 Comment

kamasutraThis is an excerpt from the unabridged Kama Sutra, a sacred Indian text about the art of love and eroticism.

One thing certain is that a man whose activity lasts long pleases women, while on the other hand they complain of men who reach orgasm quickly.

Satisfied tranquility is not to be found among women after an erotic experience with a man who reaches orgasm quickly. Women love and are pleased by men who ejaculate long after copulation.

A man whose ardor is rapid, who ejaculates quickly, detaches himself after experiencing his pleasure.

Men who have a habit of finishing quickly are not well looked upon.

It is on this that women’s attachment or contempt depends, and on this basis they decide which deserve to be used or not. The wife of a man who has difficulty in making her reach orgasm becomes hostile to him.

Thus it is that, from a certain point of view, a woman’s love or indifference is connected with the man’s possibility of making her reach orgasm.

Women appreciate the virility of the man who achieves the longest copulatory act. It is almost impossible for a woman to desire to sleep with someone who ejaculates quickly. Love’s delight is only possible if she reaches orgasm at the same time as the man of whom she is enamored.

This is why the man who pleases women is the one who gives them complete pleasure, and not the contrary.

A woman’s desire does not stop when she has reached orgasm. She experiences continual enjoyment. Her need for a man continues even when the itching of her clitoris has been calmed, which is why her need for signs of affection (kissing and caressing) is independent of her desire for enjoyment.

Image from The Daily Loaf. Information from The Complete Kama Sutra, translated by Alain Danielou.


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Gamers Won’t Be Seduced, Will Stare At Random Cleav Instead

That Steam allows the objectification and sexualization of female characters in a variety of its games but refuses to accept a game about actually engaging with women in a more interactive fashion is astonishingly backward.

FetLife Is Not Safe for Users

That the site doesn’t take measures to protect user content and has shown incompetence or negligence in regard to user privacy, all the while prohibiting victims from warning others about predatory behavior creates an environment where it is nearly impossible for members of the community to take care of themselves and one another. By enabling FetLife to continue espousing a code of silence, allowing the spinning self-created security issues as “attacks,” and not pointing out how disingenuous FetLife statements about safety are, we are allowing our community to become a breeding ground for exploitation.

Why You Should Vote No On Prop 35

Should people who benefit (parents, siblings, children, roommates!) from the earnings of “commercial sex acts” (any sexual conduct connected to the giving or receiving of something of value) be charged with human trafficking? Should someone who creates obscene material that is deemed “deviant” be charged as with human trafficking? Should someone who profits from obscene materials be charged with human trafficking? Should people transporting obscene materials be charged with human trafficking? Should a person who engages in sex with someone claiming to be above the age of consent or furnishing a fake ID to this effect be charged with human trafficking? What if I told you the sentences for that kind of conviction were eight, 14 or 20 years in prison, a fine not to exceed $500,000, and life as a registered sex offender?

Pretty and Calls Herself a Geek? Attention Whore!

If you are a woman, you might be given a chance to prove yourself in this community. Since there is no standard definition of what a “geek” is and it will vary from one judge to the next anyway, chances of failing are high (cake and grief counseling will be available after the conclusion of the test!). If you somehow manage to succeed, you’ll be tested again and again by anyone who encounters you until you manage to establish yourself like, say, Felicia Day. But even then, you’ll be questioned. As a woman, your whole existence within the geek community will be nothing but a series of tests — if you’re lucky. If you aren’t lucky, you’ll be harassed and threatened and those within the culture will tacitly agree that you deserve it.

Cuddle Chemical? Moral Molecule? Not So Fast

Zak’s original field, it turns out, is economics, a far cry from the hearts and teddy bears we imagine when we consider his nickname. But after performing experiments on generosity, Zak stumbled on the importance of trust in interactions, which led him, rather inevitably, to research about oxytocin. Oxytocin, you might remember, is a hormone that has been linked previously to bonding — between mothers and children primarily, but also between partners. What Zak has done is take the research a step further, arguing in his recent book, The Moral Molecule, that oxytocin plays a role in determining whether we are good or evil.

How to Avoid Pissing off a Stripper

Let’s talk about the strippers. Whether they like to be half-naked or not, whether they enjoy turning you on or not, there’s one thing they all have in common: they’re working. Whether you think that taking one’s clothes off for money is a great choice of career is really beside the point (is it a possibility for you to make $500 per hour at your job without a law degree? Just asking). These women are providing fantasy, yes, but that is their job. And as a patron of the establishment where they work, you need to treat them like you would anyone else who provides a service to you.


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Sex and the 405 is what your newspaper would look like if it had a sex section.

Here you’ll find news about the latest research being conducted to figure out what drives desire, passion, and other sex habits; reviews of sex toys, porn and other sexy things; coverage of the latest sex-related news that have our mainstream media's panties up in a bunch; human interest pieces about sex and desire; interviews with people who love sex, or hate sex, or work in sex, or work to enable you to have better sex; opinion pieces that relate to sex and society; and the sex-related side of celebrity gossip. More...