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So You Wanna Pay for Pussy? Step 1: Where to Find It

March 10, 2010 Hobbying, Lessons 7 Comments

I don’t know for sure how you got to this point, and I’m not here to judge. You have your reasons. Maybe your wife stopped having sex with you, or you just need variety or your dad never took you fishing. I don’t know and I don’t care. I don’t know you. I’m not your wife, your shrink, I’m not Jiminy fuckin’ Cricket.

What do I care if you wanna fuck hookers? You have your reasons, that’s good enough for me.

This isn’t about the “why”, this is about the “how.”

The relentless craving for pussy is keeping you up at night. And awake, too. But you haven’t abdicated all the decision making to your little head, you still have a shred of sense left in your big head, and something in what you call your conscience tells you that there’s danger ahead. So you don’t know where to begin the hunt for paid poon.

If you’re like most guys you’ve found yourself driving through the seedier parts of town, wondering if that girl in the mini skirt at the bus stop is a hooker or not. (Pro tip: are you in the Valley? Then chances are, yes, she is.) But you know better than to proposition some random girl on the street. Don’t you?

The first place almost every neophyte john starts is Craigslist. You’ve read all the sordid news stories about how it’s the new gathering place for virtual hookups and sex-for-hire. But you’ve also read the sensationalistic news stories about yet another Craigslist prostitution ring broken up by intrepid detectives. And the last thing you need is to get caught your first time out. So here’s some tips to get you started and hopefully keep you safe.

Sure, by all means, check out Craigslist. Check out Backpage.com. They both have adult services sections with escort ads, and have local editions for pretty much everywhere. But know that they are the low end of the spectrum when it comes to escorts. Baby steps. We’ll work you up to the high-dollar hotties soon enough, but you have to learn to walk before you can run. You’re more likely to come up against a bait & switch scam using those services than others. That means that the hot chick in the picture isn’t necessarily the same girl that’s gonna answer the door. You have to learn to do some homework.

If you’re cruising Craigslist or Backpage, you supposedly know enough about the Internet to do a basic Google search. When you find a girl you like, the first thing you need to do is Google her phone number. If she’s who she says she is, the search will come back with her other ads on other sites. Check those out as well, they may lead you in another direction. They’ll clue you in to whether or not this is really a hooker or a vice cop setting up a sting operation. There are also review sites like The Erotic Review and Escorts.com which will give you a glimpse into what you might expect if you book time with this girl.

You’re gonna be worried about getting ripped off, arrested or worse. So take precautions before you head out. Chances are, the cops aren’t interested in you, particularly if you’re doing your cruising online rather than on the Boulevard. Legit girls will usually have reviews. Not every escort has reviews, however, and there are perfectly good reasons why not. So don’t panic if you don’t find reviews. Some well-established escorts don’t allow clients to write reviews. But they will have web sites.

There are sites like The Erotic Review or Escorts.com, where those stalwart whore-mongering explorers who came before you have paved the trail for you. My advice to you (which you won’t listen to) is to read those sites, but don’t register, become a paying member or get involved in the discussion forums.

Be prepared to be hung up on if you use any inappropriate language. This includes any mention of any sex act. Don’t be stupid. Don’t call up some random girl and ask if you can come over to fuck her. And you’re not going to be clever and bypass that restriction by using coded language like “GFE” or referring to roses or kisses or candy instead of dollars. Everybody knows why you’re calling, no one needs it spelled out. Be respectful when you call. Be respectful when you show up. And for fuck’s sake, wash your balls before you go.

So, now you’ve narrowed it down, you’ve found a girl you like and you’re ready to take the plunge dick-first into a rented pussy. In Part Two, I’ll walk you through the “how much” part of the “how to.”

Go to Part Two.

Hooker Addict (@hookeraddict) has wasted much of the last few years wading through the local escort/hobbyist message boards. From finding a hooker to making the date, not getting ripped off or worse; this is about paying for sex. With actual cash. A few years ago, he became fascinated with streeetwalkers, but now the game has changed. Moved indoors, online. He’s just Some Guy, with no skills and no game. And he still gets more pussy than you.

Make Your Own Dildo!

March 5, 2010 Toys No Comments

“Every single holiday, a dick in a box,” sang Justin Timberlake. And boy, do we like the idea of taking that beautiful cock of yours with us. Well, guess what — we can.

Introducing the Make Your Own Dildo kit. That’s right, now you, too, can have your manhood immortalized in a mold like the hairband gods of yesteryear. … Continue Reading

An Auto-Delete App for Safer Sexting

Text messages. We’re willing to bet that eight times out of 10, these are the reason cheaters get caught — not that we have any experience with this or anything here at Sex and the 405. We never get caught.

Anyway, our dahlias of decadence and depravity, technology is smiling upon us again. Allow us to present to you an app especially suited to the misbehaving sexter (and low-budget spr-sekrit agent): TigerText.

Tiger for Tiger Woods, the professional golfer whose moral downfall was catalyzed by naughty texts? The founders claim the app was named before the debacle. Sure it was.

Interested? The app is free right now, so this is a great time to go snatch it up. Make an account with a username and password using your phone number and specify how much time you want to give texts before they expire.

Lifespan is the length of time a text will exist on the your phone, recipient’s device (whether the text is accessed or not), and the company’s servers.

Turning Delete History ON will remove all history of conversations from your device each time you close the application.

Turning Delete on Read ON will remove the message from the recipient’s phone one minute from the time the text is opened. If the text is unopened by the recipient, the default setting for text lifespan will come into play. In this case, that means the text will be deleted automatically in 15 minutes.

Drawback? The recipient must also install TigerText — fine if you have an iPhone, but versions for BlackBerry and Android are still not available.

The Theatre Date In Hollywood

February 19, 2010 Lessons, Noms, Places No Comments

Let’s get the basics of Hollywood out of the way. You’ve got a date. And you thought you’d show your theatrical side by getting tickets to The Pantages but cannot for the life of your true hipster self think of where to take your glam gal.

It’s your first date with this particular lady, and you’d rather err on the side of enchanting than chintzy.

Well, we’ve got the perfect spot for you. Yes, it may be on Hollywood Blvd., but that’s part of your contradiction, your mystery. We’re not talking feasts, here, we’re talking exotic finger food. You won’t find any spicy tuna — or sushi for that matter — only sashimi. It’s tres minimalist chic. Welcome to East Hollywood.

Start out with an obscenely delicious salad made with warm spinach, arugula, shiitake mushrooms, duck confit and Bali pepper tossed in sherry vinaigrette — all topped with crispy pancetta and roasted young candy beets. Oh sweet, savory salad…

Imagine oysters on the half-shell with Vietnamese mignonette, yuzu gelée & pickled onion. Oh, salacious sours…

Slurp scallops on the half with lemon grass sambal, wasabi créme fraîche, shiso dust & micro cilantro. Oh, succulent seafood…

Effortlessly show your refined and discriminating palate while showing you can pick a place with style. It’s a snap.

She’ll be on your arm as you meander towards the theater.

Just remember to check with the lucky lady before you hang up your pre-date phone call: “You’re not allergic to seafood, are you?”

Want more info? Read the full review at e*Star LA.

Photos by Andrew Herrold.

Esther (@estarla) is a celebrated Los Angeles food blogger and our go-to gal in all matters of where to take a date when you want to hit the town.

Five Aphrodisiacs From Around The World

February 18, 2010 Lessons 1 Comment

It’s true, we’re obsessed with finding the Holy Grail of sex here at Sex and the 405. Naturally, any article that claims to have found such a thing is worthy of our attention. Lucky for us the folks over at MentalFloss got busy this month compiling a list of ten aphrodisiacs so we could spend it actually getting laid instead.

Here are the five our editrix can swear by:

Coffee and other stimulants

Since ancient times, most great sex has taken place when both parties were awake. Maybe that’s why stimulants, from geisha tea to Red Bull, have long been held in high esteem as aphrodisiacs. According to a 1990 study in the Archives of Internal Medicine, drinking coffee increased sexual activity in 744 participating Michigan residents over the age of 60, strongly suggesting that caffeine promotes arousal.

While caffeine has not yet been directly linked to an increased sex drive, the consensus in the medical community is that anything that gets the central nervous system pumping will have a general stimulating effect on the body. This explains why the ancient herb ginseng, which is said to increase energy and memory, is considered a strong aphrodisiac. It impacts the central nervous system, gonadic tissues and the endocrine system, thus enhancing arousal. Ginseng has long been respected in China for its systemic healing properties, including the ability to aid sexual function.

Yohimbine

Before Viagra, there was yohimbine, an oil that comes from the bark of the West African Pausinystalia yohimbe tree. For hundreds of years, African natives have dried yohimbe bark and made it into a tea, used both as a treatment for impotency and as a general aphrodisiac. Yohimbine works by blocking the blood vessel-constricting effects of adrenaline on the nerves. This promotes the flow of blood to the genitals, thereby assisting erections.

Although yohimbine doesn’t have as much research to back up its claims, the principles of operation are essentially the same as Viagra. It even has the same side effects, such as elevated heart rate, increased blood pressure and anxiety. In fact, while Viagra has become the recommended treatment for impotency, the use of yohimbine has also been approved by the FDA. Fortunately, the key component of yohimbe bark, yohimbine hydrochloride, is available by prescription in pill, capsule or liquid form.

Chocolate

Chocolate is one of the most powerful edible aphrodisiacs in the world—and has been for quite some time. According to ancient Aztec history, 12 cacao beans (the beans used to make cocoa and chocolate) could purchase the services of a prostitute, and Montezuma reportedly downed 50 cups of liquid cacao to rev up before conjugal visits to his vast harem.

The scientific explanations for the arousing effects of chocolate are found in phenylethylamine (PEA) and anandamide (AEA). PEA is the chemical that causes elevated heart rates, increased energy, euphoria and generally any symptom corresponding to feelings of being “in love.” So, apparently, PEA is what makes us drive by our loved ones’ houses late at night and compulsively scan our caller IDs. PEA’s cohort, AEA, is a neurotransmitter that acts on the brain in a similar fashion to tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), the same chemical found in marijuana. And while chocolate won’t get you stoned (sorry, dude), the presence of AEA probably explains chocolate’s ability to calm and mellow.

Peppers

For centuries, people have turned to chili peppers to spice up their love lives. The theory at work for this aphrodisiac is that chilis ignite in more ways than one. Think about what happens after you eat a big, mean chili pepper: your palms sweat, your lips burn, and your breathing begins to shorten. One thing leads to another, and if your lover doesn’t leave you for a big glass of milk … arriba!

Another theory as to why searingly hot chilis arouse has to do with the pain they inflict. Pain causes the body to release endorphins, which try to block the signal of physical distress to the nervous system. These are the same kind of endorphins that are released during exercise and after sex, creating that feeling that all is right with the world. So masochists take note: if the whip is out of commission, then hit the Mexican produce stand.

Licorice

For thousands of years, Eastern and Western cultures have turned to licorice when the libido is lacking. Licorice contains phytoestrogen sterols, which affect sex hormones (estrogen and testosterone levels), although exactly how and to what degree has not yet been fully determined. Some believe that the strong smell of licorice may be a factor.

When Dr. Alan Hirsch of the Chicago Smell and Taste Treatment Research Foundation hit the candy store to find out which smells sexually appealed to people, he found that women were aroused by the smell of (oddly enough) Good n’ Plenty. And for men, the aromatic combination of black licorice combined with doughnuts increased penile blood flow by an amazing 32 percent.

Doughnuts or not, Chinese, Egyptians and Hindus have all used licorice to increase sexual arousal and stamina. And in the traditions of pagan religions, crushed licorice root was used in love sachets and in spells to ensure fidelity. But whatever the purpose, be sure to use real licorice; the artificial “licorice flavorings” used in cheap candies won’t contain phytoestrogen, just food coloring and corn syrup.

Obviously they left out the bacon. But we’ll forgive them. Go check out what else they identified as an aphrodisiac and let us know whether you’ve ever tried any of them!

Information from MentalFloss.

Positions, Please!

February 14, 2010 Lessons 2 Comments

Our editrix was so irate this morning when she surfed across this little jewel from DateDaily, she asked us to comment on the matter, which, frankly, really blows, seeing as we were looking forward to lying around in our apartments all day, crying about how no one loves us.

We’re not sure if they’re endorsing injury in the name of knowledge or what’s going on but who really cares what “most men” want? Sexual positions aren’t about pleasing an unscientific sample of men (or women). Good sex is about finding what best works given the person or people you’re with.

Some lovers may rock doggy style, and some may be far better suited to the dragon. Some may be more energetic and inspire more acrobatics, some may be more intense and focused.

Our suggestion is for you to get to know the people you’re boinking and find out which positions work best for you both (or you all, if it’s more than one partner).

And please try not to injure yourselves! It’s better to only know three positions that work well than to run wildly through the whole of Cosmo’s Kama Sutra causing yourself and others bodily harm! Like, HELLO. You need that body. Be good to it.

(And please pray with us that the editrix doesn’t see that one about the seven kinky things men want…)

Screengrab from DateDaily. Rant inspired by them, also.

Must Haves: Cuff Me Tender

February 11, 2010 accoutrement 1 Comment

OK, you’re starting to see a pattern here. What can we say — we love restraint!

Ilya Fleet’s cuffs from Coco de Mer are exquisite. The silver leather cuffs can be attached together or worn without restraint as a fashion accessory.

At $230, these are perfect for the lover who’s not too keen on gold.

And if that’s not your thing, give the rest of the store a browse — they’ve got scents, lubes, candles, books (Pablo Neruda!), kinky housewear (we’re not kidding), and gift cards.

What more could you expect from a company that has the motto: “Savor life and drink it to the full”?

That’s Coco de Mer, conveniently located at 8618 Melrose Avenue here in Los Angeles.

A little background on the sex shop:

When explorers of the past moored on the distant shores of the Seychelles, they believed they had fallen upon the Forbidden Fruit in the biblical Garden of Eden. Scattered on the tropical beaches were palm seeds that unmistakably mirrored the front and bottom area of the female pelvis, thus reminding them of what they were missing at home.

They had chanced upon the coco de mer seed, the seed of the sea, a quite extraordinary palm seed only found on two islands in the Seychelles. It is the largest seed in the world, weighing up to 40 pounds! The coco de mer is rare, precious and protected, and a perfect representation of the beautiful sculpture that is the female form.

That is why the coco de mer seed is our source of inspiration. By choosing this strange seed of the sea as our symbol, we join in natures celebration of all that is erotic, sensual and beautiful.

The coco de mer germinates from both a male and female plant. Whereas the seed so closely resembles the female form, the male plant has a stamen, which looks strangely like a penis. A huge penis at that, and one that smells of sticky sweet honey. At Coco de Mer we celebrate both genders and believe that between two consenting adults there should be no barriers to love.

Our editrix is crazy about this ostrich whip.

Please don’t get it for her. She might use it to enforce deadlines.

Tip from Ironed Orchid.

OMG? Walgreens Is A Sex Shop!

February 9, 2010 Toys 1 Comment

Jenny Block, contributor to Fox on Sex (fair and balanced!), was recently surprised to discover the selection available at her local Walgreens.

First, there is a surprising variety of “personal massagers.” “Quiet and powerful ones” in a Skittles-worthy array of colors. Multiple surface versions that boast the ability to be recharged. The “Comet Massager” that looks like it’s related to a Pixar space creature. The little guy even lights up. [...] One massager comes complete with a warmer, and several of them have all sorts of interesting nubs and bumps and edges. Come on, that is no back massager.

All sorts of lotions and potions line the shelves as well. Travel size massage oils in scents like Bali Moonlight, Malibu Sunrise, and Paris Twilight. (And, no, I have no idea what any of those things would smell like).

And then there are the lubricants — warming, tingling, soothing, and in “flavors” like pina colada and cherry. If you don’t know why you’d want a lubricant to smell good and taste good, you, my friend, are missing out.

In the practical department, there’s an air revitalizer (you know, for those marathon sessions); a sound machine to ward-off roommates or nosy neighbors; and candles in every scent from Indigo Nights to Beach Bungalow for ideal lighting (who doesn’t look good in candlelight?). Seriously, you could set the whole scene with just one stop at this place.

If you want to get really randy, they even have handcuffs, nylon rope, paintbrushes, hot wax and digital camcorders. No pressure.

This reminds us of a conversation we once had with Laura Roberts, editor of the now defunct Black Heart Magazine, following one of her columns for Hour magazine about finding sex toys at the Dollar Store.

Our editrix attempted this, but she claims to have no words to describe what occurred with said frugal accouterments. We’re on our own on this one… unless you want to venture forth and tell us your story of sexy finds in unusual places!

Image by Ryan Ozawa. Information from Fox News.

Dancing With The Porn Stars

February 5, 2010 Porn No Comments

As testament to the awesome power of fanfic, Hustler’s appetite for parody continues with This Ain’t Dancing With the Stars XXX, a nod to Dancing With the Stars as well as David Letterman, Lindsay Lohan and David Hasselhoff.

Scarlett Fay plays Lohan, who seduces her dance instructor in the film, and Otto Bauer’s Hasselhoff sexes up the dance floor with a racy tango.

“My buyers get a kick out of the spins we put on these television shows and movies,” says Hustler national sales manager David Diamond.

We bet.

Image from preview video, via Popcrunch. Information from HustlerWorld.

Valentine’s Day: Kinky Extravagance

February 5, 2010 accoutrement, Lessons No Comments

Past the understated gate, you find yourself in a large, lush garden. Walk past the fountain, into a dimly lit house, a mixture of modern lines and decadent sensuality.

You’re at Kiki de Montparnasse on Melrose, a store devoted to the fulfillment of our passions, named after Man Ray’s long-time lover, darling of the 1920s Paris social scene and muse to many an artist.

Inside its sleek, softly-lit interiors you’ll find lingerie, sex toys, desire-enhancing kits and sexy reads.

“The whole decadent vibe seems designed to be alluring even to the rich, uptight and squeamish who, in the past, may have shied away from the trappings of bondage because they seemed too garish and sleazy,” Cintra Wilson wrote for the New York Times.

We won’t mention sources, but Cintra knows bondage, garish and sleazy, so we trust her. But we needn’t go blindly into this — one look at Kiki’s Valentine’s Day offerings is enough to confirm that if you’re in the mood for a spiced up session of unadulterated desire-exploration, you’ve come to the right place.

(We have it on good authority that you’re not part of our editrix’s echelon of favorites until one of Kiki’s little black boxes finds its way to you — by messenger, of course, and preferably while you’re out at dinner. With someone else.)

Our personal favorite is this pair of 24k gold-dipped handcuffs, priced at $350. For jewelry or play — isn’t functionalism awesome?

Image by Atherton Bartelby.

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That Steam allows the objectification and sexualization of female characters in a variety of its games but refuses to accept a game about actually engaging with women in a more interactive fashion is astonishingly backward.

FetLife Is Not Safe for Users

That the site doesn’t take measures to protect user content and has shown incompetence or negligence in regard to user privacy, all the while prohibiting victims from warning others about predatory behavior creates an environment where it is nearly impossible for members of the community to take care of themselves and one another. By enabling FetLife to continue espousing a code of silence, allowing the spinning self-created security issues as “attacks,” and not pointing out how disingenuous FetLife statements about safety are, we are allowing our community to become a breeding ground for exploitation.

Why You Should Vote No On Prop 35

Should people who benefit (parents, siblings, children, roommates!) from the earnings of “commercial sex acts” (any sexual conduct connected to the giving or receiving of something of value) be charged with human trafficking? Should someone who creates obscene material that is deemed “deviant” be charged as with human trafficking? Should someone who profits from obscene materials be charged with human trafficking? Should people transporting obscene materials be charged with human trafficking? Should a person who engages in sex with someone claiming to be above the age of consent or furnishing a fake ID to this effect be charged with human trafficking? What if I told you the sentences for that kind of conviction were eight, 14 or 20 years in prison, a fine not to exceed $500,000, and life as a registered sex offender?

Pretty and Calls Herself a Geek? Attention Whore!

If you are a woman, you might be given a chance to prove yourself in this community. Since there is no standard definition of what a “geek” is and it will vary from one judge to the next anyway, chances of failing are high (cake and grief counseling will be available after the conclusion of the test!). If you somehow manage to succeed, you’ll be tested again and again by anyone who encounters you until you manage to establish yourself like, say, Felicia Day. But even then, you’ll be questioned. As a woman, your whole existence within the geek community will be nothing but a series of tests — if you’re lucky. If you aren’t lucky, you’ll be harassed and threatened and those within the culture will tacitly agree that you deserve it.

Cuddle Chemical? Moral Molecule? Not So Fast

Zak’s original field, it turns out, is economics, a far cry from the hearts and teddy bears we imagine when we consider his nickname. But after performing experiments on generosity, Zak stumbled on the importance of trust in interactions, which led him, rather inevitably, to research about oxytocin. Oxytocin, you might remember, is a hormone that has been linked previously to bonding — between mothers and children primarily, but also between partners. What Zak has done is take the research a step further, arguing in his recent book, The Moral Molecule, that oxytocin plays a role in determining whether we are good or evil.

How to Avoid Pissing off a Stripper

Let’s talk about the strippers. Whether they like to be half-naked or not, whether they enjoy turning you on or not, there’s one thing they all have in common: they’re working. Whether you think that taking one’s clothes off for money is a great choice of career is really beside the point (is it a possibility for you to make $500 per hour at your job without a law degree? Just asking). These women are providing fantasy, yes, but that is their job. And as a patron of the establishment where they work, you need to treat them like you would anyone else who provides a service to you.

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Sex and the 405 is what your newspaper would look like if it had a sex section.

Here you’ll find news about the latest research being conducted to figure out what drives desire, passion, and other sex habits; reviews of sex toys, porn and other sexy things; coverage of the latest sex-related news that have our mainstream media's panties up in a bunch; human interest pieces about sex and desire; interviews with people who love sex, or hate sex, or work in sex, or work to enable you to have better sex; opinion pieces that relate to sex and society; and the sex-related side of celebrity gossip. More...