Nothing Says “I Love You” Like a Leash

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, we’re racking our brains to offer you some ideas.

Today, while procrastinating on another article, we happened to encounter this beauty from Les Jeux Du Marquis, a company we mentioned a couple of posts ago when we were gushing about the new ainsley-t boot.

For $480, you can spoil your master or slave something proper — the appropriately named Lovechain Collar is grinded, hand-painted, two-tone black cuoio accessorized with satinated brass. We’re enamored of the level of detail. … Continue Reading

Maximize Your Sex with AVN Award-Winning Accouterments

By all indications, the Adult Video News (AVN) Awards were a train wreck this year, so thank God you weren’t there. We’d say we braved the madness for you, but that would be a blatant lie. We had an epic weekend and picked up the press release when we got home. Lazy blogging — it’s an art.

In any event, here’s a run down of the award-winning accouterments, because if you’re anything like us, you’re always on the market to take things up a notch. … Continue Reading

How To Get Dumped This Christmas

Maybe you have no balls and can’t really offer a statement less vague than “this isn’t working.” Maybe you have and she just refuses to honor the breakup. Whatever the case (and yes, we’re totally judging you, as failure to disengage is a far more heinous crime than failure to engage), it’s time to call on your super douchebag powers.

​We have just the weapon for the task. … Continue Reading

Look, Baby, No Rips!

The one-handed bra-unhooking move — it’s a classic. We’ll probably never admit it to a man’s face, but when he reaches back there and unclasps our bras like it’s no big thing, we immediately endow him with epic brownie points. As to the ones who try and fail… we’d never admit this to their faces, either, but that’s nearly grounds for dismissal.

Technically, a man could avoid this by tearing the thing off us in the heat of passion (hot), or, as a certain artist one did to a certain editor whose name we shan’t mention, take a knife to it after a light round of blade-play… Of course, you can only sacrifice so many lingerie sets before a woman starts to resent you. So what do you do? … Continue Reading

X-Ray-Proof Your Underwear Against the TSA

Cattle are better tended on the way to the slaughterhouse than we are at airports at the hands of the Transportation Security Administration (TSA). In a subversive act of revenge, a Colorado man has designed a line of undergarments for men and women made of weapons-grade tungsten lining to prevent the prying eyes of agents from feasting on our privates while in the x-ray. … Continue Reading

Must Haves: Cuff Me Tender

OK, you’re starting to see a pattern here. What can we say — we love restraint!

Ilya Fleet’s cuffs from Coco de Mer are exquisite. The silver leather cuffs can be attached together or worn without restraint as a fashion accessory.

At $230, these are perfect for the lover who’s not too keen on gold.

And if that’s not your thing, give the rest of the store a browse — they’ve got scents, lubes, candles, books (Pablo Neruda!), kinky housewear (we’re not kidding), and gift cards.

What more could you expect from a company that has the motto: “Savor life and drink it to the full”?

That’s Coco de Mer, conveniently located at 8618 Melrose Avenue here in Los Angeles.

A little background on the sex shop:

When explorers of the past moored on the distant shores of the Seychelles, they believed they had fallen upon the Forbidden Fruit in the biblical Garden of Eden. Scattered on the tropical beaches were palm seeds that unmistakably mirrored the front and bottom area of the female pelvis, thus reminding them of what they were missing at home.

They had chanced upon the coco de mer seed, the seed of the sea, a quite extraordinary palm seed only found on two islands in the Seychelles. It is the largest seed in the world, weighing up to 40 pounds! The coco de mer is rare, precious and protected, and a perfect representation of the beautiful sculpture that is the female form.

That is why the coco de mer seed is our source of inspiration. By choosing this strange seed of the sea as our symbol, we join in natures celebration of all that is erotic, sensual and beautiful.

The coco de mer germinates from both a male and female plant. Whereas the seed so closely resembles the female form, the male plant has a stamen, which looks strangely like a penis. A huge penis at that, and one that smells of sticky sweet honey. At Coco de Mer we celebrate both genders and believe that between two consenting adults there should be no barriers to love.

Our editrix is crazy about this ostrich whip.

Please don’t get it for her. She might use it to enforce deadlines.

Tip from Ironed Orchid.

Valentine’s Day: Kinky Extravagance

Past the understated gate, you find yourself in a large, lush garden. Walk past the fountain, into a dimly lit house, a mixture of modern lines and decadent sensuality.

You’re at Kiki de Montparnasse on Melrose, a store devoted to the fulfillment of our passions, named after Man Ray’s long-time lover, darling of the 1920s Paris social scene and muse to many an artist.

Inside its sleek, softly-lit interiors you’ll find lingerie, sex toys, desire-enhancing kits and sexy reads.

“The whole decadent vibe seems designed to be alluring even to the rich, uptight and squeamish who, in the past, may have shied away from the trappings of bondage because they seemed too garish and sleazy,” Cintra Wilson wrote for the New York Times.

We won’t mention sources, but Cintra knows bondage, garish and sleazy, so we trust her. But we needn’t go blindly into this — one look at Kiki’s Valentine’s Day offerings is enough to confirm that if you’re in the mood for a spiced up session of unadulterated desire-exploration, you’ve come to the right place.

(We have it on good authority that you’re not part of our editrix’s echelon of favorites until one of Kiki’s little black boxes finds its way to you — by messenger, of course, and preferably while you’re out at dinner. With someone else.)

Our personal favorite is this pair of 24k gold-dipped handcuffs, priced at $350. For jewelry or play — isn’t functionalism awesome?

Image by Atherton Bartelby.