Maximize Your Sex with AVN Award-Winning Accouterments

By all indications, the Adult Video News (AVN) Awards were a train wreck this year, so thank God you weren’t there. We’d say we braved the madness for you, but that would be a blatant lie. We had an epic weekend and picked up the press release when we got home. Lazy blogging — it’s an art.

In any event, here’s a run down of the award-winning accouterments, because if you’re anything like us, you’re always on the market to take things up a notch. … Continue Reading

TechCrunch Awkwardly Covers OhMiBod at CES

In their summary of favorites at the Consumer Electronics Show (CES), TechCrunch includes a video of an interview with Suki Durham of OhMiBod. As a means of offering a preemptive apology, they write, “This shouldn’t be here. Sorry, everyone. Watch Jordan interview a dildo company. It’s kind of NSFW.”

What the tech blog doesn’t tell you is that this is the most-watched video from their coverage of the expo.

Kinky Pleasures for under $20 at Your Local CVS

Consumerist culture has packaged and sold so many things, we often lose touch with our creativity. If someone told you to plan out an evening of kink, then handed you a twenty and dropped you off at a sex shop, you’d be lucky if you left with some warming lube.

In this economy, however, we can’t often afford to splurge on the wondrous accouterments of pleasure. So on a recent trip to CVS, we got creative. One kinky night for less than twenty bucks, coming right up. … Continue Reading

First World Problems: What Would Your Fleshlight Signature Texture Feel Like?

It started innocently enough (doesn’t it always?), we were browsing the web when we arrived at the site for Fleshlight. The header got right to the point: “Get inside today’s hottest adult stars.” Below, we discovered a selection of some of porn’s most celebrated starlets, all posing with their Fleshlights.

Then we noticed something else: they each had signature textures. … Continue Reading

Tested and Approved

You’ve read your share of reviews. Reviews on Yelp, reviews on Amazon, reviews on blogs. People love to talk about how much they love a product or how much they hate it. Ranting: whether it’s positive or negative, it is what we do.

What we don’t usually see on the internet are videos that put things to the test. … Continue Reading

A Dick Made to Order

We can’t possibly be the only ones who have looked at a sex shop’s offerings and wondered whether the sex toy industry has secretly pledged to try as hard as possible not to make men feel inadequate. We’re not size queens, but sometimes a girl needs more than five inches, you know? And don’t even get us started on the girth.

We’ve just the thing. Introducing the Made to Order Boutique, a place where you can not only specify how big you need it, but also design its shape and ridges and select the materials used to craft it. … Continue Reading

Women and Their Toys

One in five women report masturbating at least once a week. Of those, almost 60 percent use a sex toy. Women who report masturbating score higher on a self-esteem index and have a more positive body image than those who don’t. Women who use sex toys report experiencing greater satisfaction with their partners.

Want more interesting facts? … Continue Reading

Make Your Own Dildo!

“Every single holiday, a dick in a box,” sang Justin Timberlake. And boy, do we like the idea of taking that beautiful cock of yours with us. Well, guess what — we can.

Introducing the Make Your Own Dildo kit. That’s right, now you, too, can have your manhood immortalized in a mold like the hairband gods of yesteryear. … Continue Reading

OMG? Walgreens Is A Sex Shop!

Jenny Block, contributor to Fox on Sex (fair and balanced!), was recently surprised to discover the selection available at her local Walgreens.

First, there is a surprising variety of “personal massagers.” “Quiet and powerful ones” in a Skittles-worthy array of colors. Multiple surface versions that boast the ability to be recharged. The “Comet Massager” that looks like it’s related to a Pixar space creature. The little guy even lights up. [...] One massager comes complete with a warmer, and several of them have all sorts of interesting nubs and bumps and edges. Come on, that is no back massager.

All sorts of lotions and potions line the shelves as well. Travel size massage oils in scents like Bali Moonlight, Malibu Sunrise, and Paris Twilight. (And, no, I have no idea what any of those things would smell like).

And then there are the lubricants — warming, tingling, soothing, and in “flavors” like pina colada and cherry. If you don’t know why you’d want a lubricant to smell good and taste good, you, my friend, are missing out.

In the practical department, there’s an air revitalizer (you know, for those marathon sessions); a sound machine to ward-off roommates or nosy neighbors; and candles in every scent from Indigo Nights to Beach Bungalow for ideal lighting (who doesn’t look good in candlelight?). Seriously, you could set the whole scene with just one stop at this place.

If you want to get really randy, they even have handcuffs, nylon rope, paintbrushes, hot wax and digital camcorders. No pressure.

This reminds us of a conversation we once had with Laura Roberts, editor of the now defunct Black Heart Magazine, following one of her columns for Hour magazine about finding sex toys at the Dollar Store.

Our editrix attempted this, but she claims to have no words to describe what occurred with said frugal accouterments. We’re on our own on this one… unless you want to venture forth and tell us your story of sexy finds in unusual places!

Image by Ryan Ozawa. Information from Fox News.

She screws! She Talks! SHE HAS AN OFF SWITCH!

Before we begin, we want to take a second to instantaneously orgasm at the realization that we are thisclose to living in a postcyberpunk universe, OMG. The cyborgs are so close, the Sex and the 405 newsroom can almost taste them! Nom nom nom! /geekery

But let’s explore the robots that are actually among us, shall we?

Meet Roxxxy, a 5-foot-7-inches TrueCompanion that outweighs our editrix at 120 pounds. Her skin is soft, her orifices are willing and! She will talk to you about anything that interests you. For as long as you like. Without rolling her eyes!

(Our editrix should send one to her ex-husband.)

A TrucCompanion is a talking sex robot. Priced at $7,000, Roxxxy is the brainchild of Douglas Hines, a mad scientist who thought to slap silicone skin on a computer with voice-recognition and speech-synthesis software, and five pre-programmed personalities ranging from Frigid Farrah to Wild Wendy — take your pick!

A motor in her chest pumps heated air through a tube that winds through Roxxxy’s body, which keeps her warm to the touch. She also has sensors in her hands and genital areas that elicit vocal responses from her when she’s touched. She even shudders to simulate orgasm (like most women you know! Just kissing, sorry).

Her battery-life is only three hours, but then, that’s more than our iPhones, so we’re not going to complain too much.

“There’s a tremendous need for this kind of product,” said Hines, who’s really a computer scientist and former Bell Labs engineer, and happily married in Licoln Park, New Jersey.

This version of the bot cannot move on its own, though it can be contorted into many positions. We’re looking forward to advances in the technology that will allow for Roxxxy to get up and make dinner, give us a back massage, then go service our boyfriends and husbands so we can deal with our deadlines.

And once they figure out all the bugs, we expect her male counterpart, a sexy man-thing to change lightbulbs, play with our hair for hours on end and, of course, do us 24/7 — between deadlines, of course.

It’s not cheating if it doesn’t have a pulse, right?

Ew, that’s gross. Sorry. YOU KNOW WHAT WE MEAN.

Image from TrueCompanion. Information from CNN, via Denise Tanton.