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It’s A Lap Dance. It’s A Moment. Take It

October 7, 2012 Culture, Opinion 19 Comments

it's a lap dance. Take it.

“I hate bachelor parties,” the petite blonde in a pink bikini sitting beside me at the bar said. “I hate guys who are in here because they think they have to be in here and not because they want to be here. You’d think we were dentists asking to pull out their teeth. You don’t need local anesthesia! It’s a fucking lap dance!” … Continue Reading

Are We Too Focused on Orgasms to Enjoy Sex?

November 11, 2010 Opinion No Comments

Our editrix had a scathing piece on NakedCity LA a couple of days ago that questioned why so many news outlets were using a picture of Meg Ryan faking an orgasm as Sally in When Harry Met Sally on their articles discussing research being done on female pleasure and orgasm.

Not one to shy away from any topic, our favorite sex doc, Madeleine Castellanos took the opportunity to tackle fake orgasms on her own blog, aptly titled, Reclaim Your Sexuality. Her message resonates strongly with us, and we offer it here for your consideration: … Continue Reading

Sex-Negativity in Science Kills Intellectual Curiosity

November 8, 2010 Opinion No Comments

Due to the amount of interest generated by the discussion of why it hurts when semen gets in the eye, we have been writing about the topic at length, including running tidbits from experts in different scientific disciplines and checking out all your leads.

During a recent survey of links, we encountered a piece by PZ Myers, biologist and associate professor at University of Minnesota, Morris, which drew our attention, not so much for its interesting infographic, but because of his general attitude. … Continue Reading

Toys and Tools Dilute the Experience of Domination

September 30, 2010 Feature, Opinion 3 Comments

Recently, I met a woman who had experience in the BDSM community. She shared how dungeons worked, related the depth of the sociological and psychological connection between a submissive and a dominant, extolled the openness found in the negotiations of a scene; she showed me videos, stories, and images. The topic wasn’t alien to me, but had never been taken seriously until this point.

The vast majority of these people don’t get it. They want to, but they don’t understand. If they understood what they were trying to do, they wouldn’t need anything other than their bodies to do it. When I relayed my views to the woman, she looked at me with curiosity, and what seemed to be disapproval. … Continue Reading

Vajacial, Vajazzling, Vattoo… STOP

August 31, 2010 Opinion 1 Comment

We here at Sex and the 405 think it’s excellent that women are taking an interest in their bodies. We thought the vajacial (a “facial” to soothe the general area after a wax) was fine despite the bizarre explosion of hype and obvious misnomer (the vagina is inside. The outside is the vulva, got it?). … Continue Reading

L.A.: Stressed or Self-Obsessed?

August 30, 2010 L.A. Odes, Opinion No Comments

In a study of the country’s most stressful cities, Forbes has found Los Angeles ranks second — right after Las Vegas.

Their methodology is fairly straight-forward: compare unemployment, commute times, work hours, access to health care, overall physical health and incidence of exercise. … Continue Reading

The L.A. Personal Service Entourage — Explained

May 27, 2010 L.A. Odes, Opinion 1 Comment

Ah, the lovely rays of the sun as they beat down, intensified by the smog. The sound of traffic on the 405, which almost sounds like the Pacific, just a few miles west. It’s the city where dreams are made and shattered, and to commemorate our devotion, here’s an eye-opening ode, from Laura Mannino. … Continue Reading

Beauty, Eros, and the Particular

Studies in Desire, by Dawn Kaczmar

“Beauty always takes place in the particular, and if there are no particulars, the chances of seeing it go down.” — Elaine Scarry

I have been mulling over the idea that beauty is, in essence, a particular trait over the past few weeks in considering my own conceptions and occasions of beauty. And it is true: ubiquity renders beauty meaningless. Prolonged and repeated exposure to the same instance mutes its vibrancy and reduces its intensity to marginality. Moreover, beauty, in the absence of a particular, in the absence of an object in which to attach itself, is merely an abstract, intangible idea, rather than a visceral experience that causes aesthetic arrest and curiosity. It is in the application of beauty to a particular object or event that reveals its form and intensity.

If beauty always takes place in the particular, the same seems true for the erotic. For instance, I have noticed that through the mass production and sale of orchids, the flower, once a symbol of eroticism, has become dead and neutral to me. Or, I may have an idea of an erotic concept, but without embodiment and experience, without knowledge of the particular way in which my beloved’s skin responds under my fingers, for instance, the desire remains dormant. … Continue Reading

Eros: An Introduction

Studies in Desire, by Dawn Kaczmar

In Greek mythology, Eros is a primordial god of sexual love, beauty, and fertility distilled from the chaos that created our universe. Although contemporary conceptions of eros focus on harmony and unity, in classical Greek culture eros was thought of as an agent of madness as well as a creative influence: it overwhelms and seemingly derides both sense and sensibility. It has seemingly addictive properties: it delivers intoxicating pleasure for as long one is immersed in it, enforced by withdrawal symptoms of mind-numbing pain.

Here I will tackle the erotic from an analytical and intellectual position, examining the ways in which eros permeates our interactions. From Socrates, Freud, to Bataille, sacred to profane, nothing is beyond inquiry.

The Role of Absence and Longing in Eros

In order to sustain eros, the object of desire must remain in a state of non- or only semi-possession. To desire something logically requires its absence: you cannot desire something you already completely possess. Desire is the result of feeling unsatisfied or sensing some potential lack which the object of desire will then fulfill, even if that lack is simply of the object of desire itself.

In Plato’s Symposium, Socrates finds fulfillment in the very absence of his object of desire: wisdom. In claiming ignorance, he subsequently increases his capacity for deficiency and desire to be a lover of wisdom, a chase that he understood as unending. For Socrates, eros embraced both carnal and intellectual longing.

Moreover, the natures of truth and of possession are inherently temporal and fleeting. Although Socrates conceded to an absolute and overarching truth, he theorized that man can only ever glimpse a shadow of that blinding, brilliant light– a shadow that is, by nature, transient. This temporal aspect of knowledge informed his courtship with it: the allure of both knowledge and its pursuit is that it is always in flux, seemingly within reach but too slippery to hold.

I believe Socrates’s relationship with knowledge can be transcribed to human romantic and erotic relationships. People, like truth, are not static entities. The rate at which people evolve (and occasionally devolve) in their own individual ways may vary from the explosiveness and unpredictability of a supernova to the slow, constant shifts of subterranean tectonic plates, but even the most obstinate responds and shifts in the naturally fluctuating environment of our world.

Even in the theoretical absence of change, every individual carries with them an abyssal well imperceptibly flooding with primordial and subconscious dreams and desires. There is a fertile chaos embedded in each individual from which to pluck and create. There is never a point at which we have concluded in knowing, and thus in desiring, another person. Moreover, if we follow Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle, the mere act of interacting with that individual changes, modifies, and informs their state. The relationship is interactive; the moment of ostensible conquer changes the object in question.

The tragedy, of course, is that we often assume we have arrived at our erotic destination. We cease to regard our lovers in awe, and take them for granted. We lose our sense of wonder. Our fearless Editrix commented on this very topic in a recent Formspring post:

The greatest mistake anyone can make is to assume that they are finished showing how much they desire someone. You’re never finished. People think that progressing a relationship is to commit to their desire. It isn’t. Marriage, for example, which is often seen as the ultimate commitment, doesn’t make you feel eternally desired.

Desire a thing to be shown daily. And to enable it to retain the intensity, you have to engage in a dance. You have to give passion space to simmer, then pull them close to stoke the flames again. It should never end.

Understanding the impossibility of truly obtaining or possessing one’s desire reveals the destructive and life-affirming nature of eros: nothing is beyond inquiry. Desire is something to continuously return to, re-examine, and inculcate each day. The burgeoning of desire requires cultivation, curiosity, and wonder. In recognizing its absence and our longing, we enact a creative and fulfilling dance with both our own desire and that of our beloved.

MORE ON EROS
Beauty, Eros, and the Particular
Erotic Obstructions

Post-Sex Masturbation

April 20, 2010 Opinion 2 Comments

I really hate booty-calls that end without a sleepover. It usually ends with him in the shower, and me driving home with my legs still shaking as I furiously try to get a good grasp of the wheel.

My phone vibrates between my legs, another ping. Probably from him. I break the law and ping him back saying, “I’m re-playing everything we just did and I can’t help myself.” I drop the phone and softly massage my panties and feel the wetness return.

And then I get a call when I’m all settled in; it’s him again. He sounds frustrated. He says, “So, was I not enough for you? You didn’t even get home yet and you’re already touching yourself in the car. What the fuck.”

I hate this. Is this going to happen to every single man I sleep with? I was trying to be sexy. This was supposed to be a compliment. I liked it so much that I made myself wet again just by thinking about it. Why does that automatically mean that whatever happened before wasn’t enough? If anything it was more than enough — so much so, it’s making me get off all over again.

But of course men aren’t going to see it that way. They think I’m some super crazy feen that can never have enough sex so she has to masturbate before and after it. Well, why can’t I love it that much? I’m not resorting to masturbation because I need to finish myself off, I’m just reminiscing about the pleasures I had down there and am re-fueling my drive.

I can’t help it. It’s like a ritual, always masturbate before and after sex. Especially after. Before can be done with accurate foreplay if we have enough time for that. But post-sex masturbation is like a healing process, no, like a rejuvenation process. Or something like that. Do you feel me?

Amanda Chen is a Toronto-based writer who loves to expose everything sexy and share her lavish lifestyle within the fashion and entertainment industries on Body Noise and other places. Her sexual desire is all-encompassing, from human beings to physical or mental objects. Her passion lies within the aftersex.

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Gamers Won’t Be Seduced, Will Stare At Random Cleav Instead

That Steam allows the objectification and sexualization of female characters in a variety of its games but refuses to accept a game about actually engaging with women in a more interactive fashion is astonishingly backward.

FetLife Is Not Safe for Users

That the site doesn’t take measures to protect user content and has shown incompetence or negligence in regard to user privacy, all the while prohibiting victims from warning others about predatory behavior creates an environment where it is nearly impossible for members of the community to take care of themselves and one another. By enabling FetLife to continue espousing a code of silence, allowing the spinning self-created security issues as “attacks,” and not pointing out how disingenuous FetLife statements about safety are, we are allowing our community to become a breeding ground for exploitation.

Why You Should Vote No On Prop 35

Should people who benefit (parents, siblings, children, roommates!) from the earnings of “commercial sex acts” (any sexual conduct connected to the giving or receiving of something of value) be charged with human trafficking? Should someone who creates obscene material that is deemed “deviant” be charged as with human trafficking? Should someone who profits from obscene materials be charged with human trafficking? Should people transporting obscene materials be charged with human trafficking? Should a person who engages in sex with someone claiming to be above the age of consent or furnishing a fake ID to this effect be charged with human trafficking? What if I told you the sentences for that kind of conviction were eight, 14 or 20 years in prison, a fine not to exceed $500,000, and life as a registered sex offender?

Pretty and Calls Herself a Geek? Attention Whore!

If you are a woman, you might be given a chance to prove yourself in this community. Since there is no standard definition of what a “geek” is and it will vary from one judge to the next anyway, chances of failing are high (cake and grief counseling will be available after the conclusion of the test!). If you somehow manage to succeed, you’ll be tested again and again by anyone who encounters you until you manage to establish yourself like, say, Felicia Day. But even then, you’ll be questioned. As a woman, your whole existence within the geek community will be nothing but a series of tests — if you’re lucky. If you aren’t lucky, you’ll be harassed and threatened and those within the culture will tacitly agree that you deserve it.

Cuddle Chemical? Moral Molecule? Not So Fast

Zak’s original field, it turns out, is economics, a far cry from the hearts and teddy bears we imagine when we consider his nickname. But after performing experiments on generosity, Zak stumbled on the importance of trust in interactions, which led him, rather inevitably, to research about oxytocin. Oxytocin, you might remember, is a hormone that has been linked previously to bonding — between mothers and children primarily, but also between partners. What Zak has done is take the research a step further, arguing in his recent book, The Moral Molecule, that oxytocin plays a role in determining whether we are good or evil.

How to Avoid Pissing off a Stripper

Let’s talk about the strippers. Whether they like to be half-naked or not, whether they enjoy turning you on or not, there’s one thing they all have in common: they’re working. Whether you think that taking one’s clothes off for money is a great choice of career is really beside the point (is it a possibility for you to make $500 per hour at your job without a law degree? Just asking). These women are providing fantasy, yes, but that is their job. And as a patron of the establishment where they work, you need to treat them like you would anyone else who provides a service to you.

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Editrix-in-Command:
AV Flox

In-House Theologian:
Robert Fischer

Eros and Desire Scholar:
Dawn Kaczmar

Scientific Consultant:
Jason Goldman

East Coast Liaison:
Jackie Summers

Arch-Nemesis:
Barbie Davenporte

Read about the contributors we've had over time on our staff page.

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Sex and the 405 is what your newspaper would look like if it had a sex section.

Here you’ll find news about the latest research being conducted to figure out what drives desire, passion, and other sex habits; reviews of sex toys, porn and other sexy things; coverage of the latest sex-related news that have our mainstream media's panties up in a bunch; human interest pieces about sex and desire; interviews with people who love sex, or hate sex, or work in sex, or work to enable you to have better sex; opinion pieces that relate to sex and society; and the sex-related side of celebrity gossip. More...