OMG! Gossip Girl Threesome!1!!

I don’t know why the Parents Television Council (PTC) is surprised at the sexual content of the CW’s Gossip Girl. The show, which plays outside family hours, kicked off its first season in a cloud of drunken hook-ups, lies and betrayals, and enjoys an audience averaging 27 years of age, still seems to be considered a teen show.

They’re slow. Their beef now is with rumors that Monday night’s episode will feature a–gasp! OMG!–threesome!

TheWrap, which reported on this story, posted a letter from PTC (Puritanical Tyrants Coalition?) chief Tim Winter, excerpted here because, god, hasn’t he heard that we can’t deal with info longer than 140 characters?:

By now you must be aware … that the November 9th episode of the teen-targeted drama Gossip Girl will feature major characters in a sexual threesome.

To include a story line like this on a program that is expressly targeted to impressionable teenagers is reckless and irresponsible. I appeal to your highest sense of decency, respect and common sense in urging you to preempt this episode.

… Gossip Girl routinely depicts teenage characters engaging in promiscuous and consequence-free sexual behavior, and that’s bad enough. But will you now be complicit in establishing a precedent and expectation that teenagers should engage in behaviors heretofore associated primarily with adult films? Behaviors that not only increase health risks, but which are emotionally and psychologically damaging to participants, as well? I certainly hope not, and I’m sure members of your community and parents of children who watch your network expect more of you.

The letter closed with a nice threat about a possible fine imposed by the FCC on programming that is “unsatisfactory or unsuitable or contrary to the public interest.” Wow, you’d think the guy was talking about necrophilia or something. It’s a freaking threesome, dude. I had some in high school. None one died. Chill out.

Just wait until Britney Spears’ single “3″ takes over the airwaves. It’s true, my dear fashionistas–threesomes are the hottest trend this winter. Enjoy with the appropriate caution.

Information via TheWrap, YouTube clip via Salon.

Live! Nude! … Rehab?

Dr. Drew of Celebrity Rehab is back this month, this time with Sex Rehab.

In a nutshell, Dr. Drew will guide eight patients suffering from sexual addiction using one-on-one and group therapy.

The eight patients, all of them attractive almost-famous people, will live together for the span of the 21 days and try really hard not to sleep together. And all this will be broadcast on national television.

It’s gross and exploitative and will possibly do more damage to our understanding of sexual addiction than good, but it has all the makings of a voyeuristic hit.

Some more critique from The Los Angeles Times:

Consider the demographics of the patients. The female-to-male ratio is 5 to 3, with almost all of the women being highly attractive, provocatively dressed adult performers. “What are they thinking, putting us here with these hot chicks?” asks James Lovett, a haggard pro surfer who quickly casts himself as the bad-boy truth teller of the group, and frankly, it’s a question that begs an answer.

As does the producers’ decision to shoot an opener explaining the disease while music throbs and clips from porn movies fly by. The whole point of sexual addiction is that it isn’t fun or sexy; it’s an obsession. And though Lovett and one or two of the other patients seem genuinely beset by demons, most of the others are too busy showing off their sex toys on their “audition” tapes to even consider what overcoming sexual addiction means.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t watching. But we are vulture culture. We love this stuff. It’s a good thing other people’s drama has no caloric value because that would send our already-ailing nation into cardiac arrest territory in two seconds flat.

Image by AV Flox.

Nicole Kidman Betrays Womankind?

The media was in a tizzy about Nicole Kidman’s role as a goodwill ambassador for the United Nations Development Fund for Women a week ago. Why? Her roles in films betray the Sisterhood.

Per Janet Street Porter at The Independent: “she’s been raped in one film (Dogville), and had kinky sex with Tom Cruise in another (Eyes Wide Shut). She had a bath with a rather young boy (in Birth) and shagged Billy Zane in Dead Calm, her Hollywood debut–all in the name of art, of course.”

I have two things to say about this. First: violence against women is real. Their stories are real. Sanitizing film and television of these scenes is not really the answer. Secondly–there is a distinct different with exploring sexuality through BDSM and being brutalized. To say Kidman betrays womankind because she has kinky sex is to betray the segment of womankind who do enjoy healthy and fulfilling non-vanilla sexual relationships.

True to form, Nicole isn’t taking this one lying down. In an interview with British GQ, the usually reserved Kidman talked about exploring non-vanilla sex not just in film, but in her private life as well.

“I’ve explored obsession. I’ve explored loss and love in terms of being in a grief-stricken place, I’ve explored strange sexual fetish stuff, I’ve explored the mundane aspect of marriage, and monogamy,” she said.

Guess what? This is one of the truths of womankind. Just as having a choice about what projects you pursue in your career and what parts you play. If you can’t respect that, I’m afraid you’re the one betraying womankind.

Image of GQ cover via The New York Daily News.

Let’s Talk About Sex, Mom!

Kate Hudson discusses her sex life with her parents! OMG!

According to Monsters and Critics, the actress is an oversharer when it comes to sex, unhesitatingly regaling her mother Goldie Hawn and stepfather Kurt Russell with deets of her exploits with New York Yankees baseball player Alex “A-Rod” Rodriguez.

A source close to the star told Us Weekly magazine: “They love sex! They talk about it all day. Kate gets graphic talking about his body, even to her parents.”

Open communication with your parents–awesome or weird?

Thumbnail image by Katie.

David Letterman Sex Tape

The National Enquirer is reporting (you still don’t understand, do you? In Los Angeles, The National Enquirer has as much–if not more–weight than the Los Angeles Times) that there is a David Letterman sex tape.

Yup, the guy didn’t know where the cameras were in his own studio. Rookie move, d00d. Now there’s a tape floating about of his indiscretions with a much younger staffer. Not sure whether Vivid will take interest in this one, but it is sure to play a role in the case against his blackmailer in some form or another.

“If the tape makes its way into the criminal case, it’ll explode his marriage to smithereens,” a close source told the Enquirer. And it could be the last straw with CBS executives to boot.

Messy, messy.

Image by Jonathan Davis (modified).

Women Love Vampires Because We Want To Bang Gay Dudes

Last week, Stephen Marche, author of Esquire‘s A Thousand Words About Our Culture column, regaled us with his latest epiphany: “Vampires have overwhelmed pop culture because young straight women want to have sex with gay men.”

I’ll be the first to say Marche makes a few good points in his column as it regards vampires and sexual desire. Yes, there is a correlation between desire and the vampire phenomenon, but it has little to do with sexual liberation and even less with a secret desire harbored by heterosexual women to hook up with gay men, as Marche claims. It has to do with pretty old-fashioned stuff, actually. And a little BDSM–but not in the way you imagine.

Read my response on BlogHer.

Thumbnail image by Jay Dee Harrison.

Letterman Has Failed Us

We were shocked when news came out that night talk show host David Letterman had become entangled in an ugly mess of indiscretions.

For those of you who missed it, Joe Halderman, a journalist and producer of the show 48 Hours left him a package of incriminating evidence and a threat that unless Letterman gave him $2 million, Halderman would write a book and (this being the entertainment industry) a screenplay!

Letterman hit up the Manhattan DA and they caught the extortionist after Letterman wrote him a phony check and Halderman tried to cash it (n00b–doesn’t he know these things are cash or nothing? He does–or should I say–did produce a true crime documentary series).

Letterman came clean about his canoodling with staffers to the grand jury and then on his show.

So, OK. He cheated on his wife. Letterman’s production company Worldwide Pants (come on, that’s too easy a joke to make) has a sexual harassment policy that does not prohibit sexual relationships between managers and employees. However, the CBS conduct statement calls for this information to be disclosed to HR. It wasn’t, so there are issues there. But that’s neither here nor there.

The bigger issue is, well, he made fun of so many cheaters. No political scandal has not had its fifteen minutes of raucous laughter on Letterman. Dave can joke all he likes about how this all went down, but damn. Is it as funny now that we know his business?

Post photo by Jeffrey Simpson.