Let’s play a theology game. I’ll make an argument, and then give you words to substitute into the argument. It’ll be fun!

The case for Biblical vegetarianism is found in Eden, the paradise of God’s original creation, where God created people as vegetarians (1:29). God only changed things after the situation went horribly wrong and as a condescension to the new reality of sin (9:3). As holy people we should be like those in Eden, which is like Heaven. Therefore, we should be vegetarian.

Now substitute in the following: nakedness, naked 2:25, 3:21. (Told you it would be fun.)

Nakedness is a powerful symbol, and one that God used through the prophets (e.g. Isaiah 20). In our own day, we are even seeing nakedness used as a sign-act against the TSA scanners. The naked body confronts the viewer with their own social assumptions and restrictions: here is the human form, which God created and declared Good — what are you doing with it? Why are you so shocked to see it?

At the same time, it is a profound expression of our utter helplessness, our utter dependency upon God to care for us: we are born naked, and we can’t bring our clothes with us when we die. Jesus was crucified naked while the soldiers gambled over his clothes, and left his clothes behind in the tomb when he rose from the grave. So if Christians are to be like the crucified and risen Jesus, what have we to do with clothes?

The Bible backs up this point: we are at our most holy only when we are clothed in God’s clothing — in righteousness — for anything else is vanity or distraction (5:10). Associations between nudity and sanctity are found in Islam, Hinduism, Jainism, and Taoism. In fourth century Christianity, there was even a movement called Adamism that saw these connections — but suffice it to say that Adamism wasn’t popular with the dominant church. The Christian tradition has tended to shove this connection firmly under the rug.

But you can’t keep such a power constrained forever. In 17^th century England, a new group of Christians — called Quakers — seized upon the inner light and followed that light instead of the Christian tradition. The result was a shocking reinterpretation of what it means to follow God, and that lead some particular prophets of the 1650s and 1660s into “Going Naked as a Signe”. Through their nudity, they shocked and challenged the artificial sense of propriety and the domineering social structures and they seized dignity in their own form.

Quakerism still holds many members today (including your humble author), although the history of going naked as a sign doesn’t get a lot of play even among them. Jon Watts, a Quaker musician, is out to change that: he’s working on an album called Clothe Yourself in Righteousness about early Quakers and nakedness as a witness, based on a paper composed for the Earlham School of Religion. The album just reached its crowd-funding goal, and we’re looking forward to it!

This week, a leading Iranian cleric decreed that women who dress sexy cause earthquakes by spreading promiscuity — which apparently is pathogenic, you guys!

“When promiscuity spreads, earthquakes increase,” the prayer leader, Hojatoleslam Kazim Sadeghi, said in a video posted on YouTube.

Enraged, Jen McCreight (@jennifurret) over at Blag Hag decided to put this claim to the test:

In the name of science, I offer my boobs. On Monday, April 26th, I will wear the most cleavage-showing shirt I own. [...] I encourage other female skeptics to join me and embrace the supposed supernatural power of their breasts. Or short shorts, if that’s your preferred form of immodesty. With the power of our scandalous bodies combined, we should surely produce an earthquake. If not, I’m sure Sedighi can come up with a rational explanation for why the ground didn’t rumble.

So, who’s with me? I may be a D cup, but that will probably only produce a slight tremor on its own. If you’ll be joining me on Twitter, use the tag #boobquake! Or join the Facebook event!

Sounds like our kind of party. But there are other implications as well, as Beth Mann at Salon has pointed out:

Unfortunately, it seems to be turning into something else, with many men chiming in, with their “show us your tits” camera-ready attitude. Women on parade again … sigh. Since when did we “stick it to the man” by wearing low-cut shirts or short shorts? [...] Women should be able to wear what they want. That’s a given. Women should be able to sexually express themselves how they see fit. [...] Unfortunately, we live in a world that sees that kind of freedom of expression as a photo opportunity or another cheap thrill. All parties must be on board and in celebration of the cause in a way that doesn’t include lasciviousness, latent female hatred or sexual over-saturation. If not, then all we’ve got is “Girls Gone Wild” with a cause slapped on it.

To bookquake or not to boobquake, that is the question. Which side are you on?

Image from the Flox archives.

Per Queerty:

Since at least January, Tim, a gay 22-year-old senior at the University of Hawai’i-Manoa, has been recording himself masturbating, and uploading the videos to Xtube. He goes by the username “SpeedoStudent1,” which represents his fetish for all things Speedos, Lycra, and jocks; he got his first Speedo at age 19 and has been hooked ever since.

Tim has caused a ruckus on campus by filming some of his endeavors in school buildings, prompting the school to issue a warning in the student newspaper:

A UH student has been endangering students by leaving his body fluids on desks in many classrooms. His blog, Hawai’i Speedo Student, shows pictures and videos of himself masturbating in buildings such as Kuykendall, Moore, Webster, Physical Science, Watanabe and possibly more. He is currently being investigated for violating student conduct codes. Please take appropriate precautions like disinfecting desks and washing hands frequently. He is self-described as 5 foot 7 inches with frizzy blond hair, blue eyes and a slim build. Do not attempt to approach the student. If you notice him or anyone else exhibiting sexually deviant and psychotic behavior, call Campus Security at (808) 956-6911.

Tim, who blogs at Hawaii Speedo Student and who describes his videos and photos as art, commented on intolerance:

I continue to be absolutely amazed by the outpouring of intolerance and abusiveness provoked by my departure from normative behavior. It’s very strange, very alien to me. Rather than contenting themselves with finding my actions offensive or inappropriate, many of the commentors on this blog and other articles take things a step further. Somehow they see their own disgust as a legitimate reason to criticize or penalize me.

Instead of recognizing that a behavior they may not choose to participate in themselves can be a perfectly normal means of expression for another, they are unable to tolerate the existence of an alternative viewpoint. (Some go so far as to demand that I be suppressed by burning – witch trials, anyone?) But remember, tolerance is not just for big issues. Tolerance goes far beyond merely stopping the lynching of black males or the jailing of homosexuals.

Tolerance is the ability to accept all opinions, all behaviors as equally valid, regardless of your personal feelings about them; to understand that your ethical or moral framework and judgements apply to you and you alone; and to realize that even holding the same opinion as a majority of others does not give you the moral authority to force your views on the dissenters.

That is true tolerance, which can only be observed in actions and not expressed in words. So far I have met remarkably few people capable of practicing it.

Image from Hawaii Speedo Student. Information via the Huffington Post.

Mind you, no actual flashing occurred. Reports indicate that the employee in question kept her sports bra on. Though the incident occurred in her private office, behind closed doors, people got wind of it and soon, HR was involved. The woman was dismissed immediately with no severance and it appears that Condé Nast is now looking into revoking her unemployment benefits as well.

Lame.

Image from Tthe Real Malingering. Information from Mediabistro.