Frightening speculation via The Next Web this morning, though not entirely unsurprising. Apparently, The Telegraph is reporting that a number of erotic novels have disappeared from the top UK sellers list of iBooks.

They report this seems to have occurred overnight. Analysts with whom they spoke told the paper, “Book chart analysts said it was unlikely that all the erotic titles could have dropped out of the list at the same moment without being deliberately removed.”

Apple, of course, declined to comment. Chad Catacchio at Next Web writes:

Let’s for a second say that Apple is intentionally removing them from either the charts and/or altogether (which we’re not saying it is doing either, but just for argument’s sake): this could become a very large issue. Aside from outright censoring of books (which is what this would be) what would it mean for other ebook apps on iOS devices? Does Apple plan to ban the Kindle app because of the kinds of books it sells? And if it doesn’t, why wouldn’t consumers just buy their erotic novellas from Amazon instead, skipping iBooks all together?

While we’re not 100 percent sure this is what occurred here, the fact that we suspect Apple of this is enough. We cannot trust that company to let us make our own decisions when it comes to sex. They have regulated what’s appropriate before and it’s ridiculous to think this will change any time soon.

Think about that next time you buy one of their products, iSheep. If you think hype and “slick design” is worth your freedom, you don’t deserve that freedom.

Before you have kids, you take sex for granted. The ability to drop what you’re doing in the evening, strip each other’s clothes off and go at it on the living room floor. Waking up in the morning, cuddling in bed for hours, making love off and on throughout the morning, no worries about getting up, showering, getting the kids fed…

Of all the things in life that people warn you will change after you have kids, they don’t often remember to say that your sex life will be altered, that you will be forced to be more creative than you ever had to be prior to having children.

You’ll be limited to those somethings by all-too-short naptimes during the day, those nights when the kids actually go to bed on time, and stay in bed, or those even rarer occasions when you can get a babysitter and can get a hotel room. Your language changes. Your dirty talk may have fewer foul words, be less naughty, and more, “Oh yeah, baby, spank my bum. But go quickly, because I’m exhausted.” You have to learn creative ways to lock your door so that you don’t get those unfortunate interruptions of a curious child out to find out what mommy and daddy are up to.

One very valuable lesson to learn is that sleeping children are often only hard sleepers when you want them to wake up, and very light sleepers when you want them to stay asleep.

My husband and I decided to take advantage of that rare situation, that incredible opportunity where both of our kids were taking their daytime nap AT THE SAME TIME. I sneaked into the bedroom where my graveyard-working husband was sleeping, woke him up, and we got our grove going.

The kids were asleep, so there’s no worry about the volume level, right? The kids were asleep in the living room, down the hall, and the TV was on, there was no way they could hear us!

Twenty minutes later, I’m dressed again, I’m fixing my hair, and I step out of the bedroom, and my 4-year-old is standing at the end of the hall, looking at me, with a very concerned look on his face. His little brother is sitting just behind him, also looking at me.

“Mom, was Daddy hurting you?” he asked.

So much for them not hearing us. “No honey, Daddy wasn’t hurting me.”

“Oh.” He paused a second. “Well, then… were you hurting Daddy?”

“No honey, I wasn’t hurting Daddy.”

“Oh.” Another pause. “What were you doing?”

Awesome. What do you answer there? Wrestling? Next time they hear mommy and daddy “wrestle”, they’d want to join us. That doesn’t work.

“Mommy and Daddy were cleaning, honey.” Kids hate cleaning, that should do it.

“Cleaning? Why were you being so noisy?”

“We were cleaning very hard, honey. Lots of heavy lifting.”

“Oooooh.” And he wandered off to watch his cartoons.

It’s a lucky day that they accept such simple explanations.

Say that you, like myself, collect sex toys, and have your collection stashed in your room. Small children aren’t deterred by that subtle shoebox under your bed. You may find yourself, one day, cleaning your house, and notice that your youngest has disappeared. You follow the sound of toddler babble to find him on your bedroom floor, the shoe box open in front of him, with a vibrator in one hand, and a dildo in the other. All you can do is shove everything back in the box to hide on top of your closet, and pray that they don’t remember this in the long run and send you their therapy bill when they get older.

Whether you’re a collector or not, even just one vibrator could be discovered and innocently turned into a chew toy or a magic wand, or even a sword. You definitely learn more secure ways to stash your toys.

It is possible to be sexually active, and even a little crazy, and have kids at the same time. It just takes a little more creativity, patience, and determination than it used to.

Mojo Mama (@MojoMamaBlog) is a mother, blogger and sex toy-reviewer. She will be contributing to Sex and the 405 on the subject of sex after kids.

We here at Sex and the 405 are about education. We support sexual education, we support things like “oral sex” in the dictionary and so on. Generally, we believe kids should dress however they want and be allowed space in their discovery of identity. But this is ridiculous:

This is a bandeau bra for kids ages 4 to 6. It has cups and clear straps. Yeah, we get it, baby wants to be like mommy. But come on. What next? Baby corsets? We already have baby heels.

We never thought we’d hear ourselves say this but that’s just inappropriate.

Via Jessica Gottlieb.

A couple of months ago, NakedCity LA reported on the battle between porn star Kristina Rose and the Twitter image-hosting site Twitpic.

As NakedCity LA pointed out, even the hundreds of tweets of support from her followers (calling Twitpic fascists) did nothing to help. Per the platform’s terms of service:

Twitpic is concerned about the safety and privacy of all its Users, especially children. Therefore, children under the age of 13 are not permitted to use Twitpic.com.

TwitPic reserves the right to remove any image for any reason whatsoever. Specifically, any image uploaded that is pornographic or offensive in nature (including nudity, violence, sexual acts, or sexually provocative images.), infringes upon copyrights not held by the uploader, is illegal or violates any laws, will be immediately deleted and the IP address of the uploaded reported to authorities. Violating these terms will result result in termination of your ability to upload further images.

We reserve the right to ban any individual uploader or website domain from using our servies for any reason.

We pretty much left the matter there — it’s a free service, so it’s not like they owe us anything, right?

Then it happened to our editrix.

Turns out there is a way to get your Twitpic account back. We know she’s involved in BDSM but up until this point we’d never seen her on all fours licking anyone’s footwear, so this was both educational and deeply satisfying.

First, she went to their support page and submitted a ticket:

Esteemed team at Twitpic,

It has come to my attention that my account was pulled — likely due to some of the content that was posted. I want to issue a heartfelt apology for the inconvenience. I have been using your service for a while and never took the time to consider that some of my content would be objectionable. I understand your position and would like to put forth a request to reinstate my account now that I have read and analyzed the terms so I may never violate them again.

I know it’s a long shot, but I love the platform and the service you provide the Twitter community and I would be happy to continue using it. Please take the time to consider this request. I will not disappoint you. Again, please accept my apologies for any content I may have posted that caused Twitpic to receive any form of complaint. I value this platform and the service it provides.

Thank you for taking the time to read and consider this request.

Sincerely,
AV Flox

Twitpic responded two days later:

Hi:

Your account was suspended because of a violation of Twitpic’s TOS http://twitpic.com/terms.do

We realize that sometimes Twitpic’s TOS were violated because users didn’t know what our ‘terms’ were or that they would be enforced. So we offer you a “SECOND CHANCE”.

Here’s how it works:

Your account has been unsuspended. You have 48 hours (beginning when this notice is sent) to ‘purge’ your account of all violating photos. http://twitpic.com/faq.do will show you how to delete a photo.

No nudity, semi-nudity, thongs, or provocative images allowed.

After the 48 hour grace period your account will be reviewed. If it meets Twitpic’s terms your account will remain open, however, your account will be put on our ‘watch’ list. Future violations are not given the “SECOND CHANCE” offer and your account will be permanently suspended! Also, accounts that fail to comply with Twitpic’s terms after the 48 hour grace period will be permanently suspended.

Thanks.

Our editrix removed all offending content.

Two days later, the following message arrived:

I reviewed your account and your account now meets Twitpic’s TOS. Your account is now on our ‘watch’ list. Thanks for complying with our terms, we are glad to have you back.

Thanks for choosing Twitpic!

Our editrix has managed to keep her account free of the offensive content she so adores. All it cost her was a little dignity.

There you have it, in case you care. Of course, if you’re just unwilling to part with those photos that make Twitter so much more interesting, there is always Ctrl V.

You’re welcome.

The third movie of the Twilight saga series is out and it was only a matter of time before the spoofs started followed in full. Introducing the hypersexualized version of the hit saga — you can thank us later.

Our very own Natasha Wescoat has expanded her art empire into the real of comics. She’s teamed up with Mashable to run Friend Me, a spanking new comic strip about the perils of dating in the time of web.

Stay tuned for new comics from her every Friday here.

We’ve seen it before. Truth is, the one night stand joke never ceases to amuse us, so when we saw this on FailBlog, we just had to share:

Via bentoboxx.

Showtime’s revolutionary envelope-pushing brought you The L Word six years ago. Now, they’re back, but, as they say, this time it’s “for real.” That’s right, creatures, the L Word has gone the way of reality TV.

Introducing The Real L Word. Tomorrow, the nation will meet the cast of six successful, Los Angeles lesbians and come along as they live and love in the city where dreams are made and shattered.

There’s Mikey, a hard and prominent fashion producer who doesn’t have time for her fiancee. Rose, the real estate adviser who has a ton of commitment and intimacy issues. Tracy, a film and TV exec who is coming to terms with being out. Whitney, the edgy special effects artist who gets around. And Nikki, the talent scout and producer who’s planning her wedding to Jill, a writer.

It’s all well and good, but reality TV is a hit-or-miss sort of thing and those of us who loved the original series may not take too well to seeing its name fed to the zeitgeist like this.

“Showtime has yet again come forward to continue with us this mission to entertain and enlighten and bring more L to the world,” said executive producer Ilene Chaiken, who also hinted at an L Word movie.

We’ll have to see. Tune in tomorrow at 10PM, on Showtime.

As social media becomes more prominent, more and more things are hitting the stream. Here’s yesterday’s spat that caused the flow of tech to come full stop — for two full minutes. We’d give you some background, but — like they say on Facebook — it’s complicated. Enjoy it for what it is, an ode to Brokeback Mountain in 140 characters or less.

How many of us have heard (or, God forbid, uttered) the expression “it’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean”? The conversation about penis size never ceases skips a generation. Male genitals are out there, easy to gauge, and understand. But the female body is more mysterious. We can’t count the number of women we’ve encountered in our lives who have never really sat and explored their vulvas and vaginas.

Even if those of us who do, if we don’t have much experience exploring other female bodies, we can only assume they’re not all the same. There must be some differences — penises are not all the same, after all.

Just how different are they? Scarleteen offers illustrations by Betty Dodson that are incredible in the manner they showcase the wide array of vulvas. Behold:

Images from Scarleteen.