Don’t Crank It

March 28, 2010 Diary, Raymond 1 Comment

This is a bit… complicated. One thing that I’ve found out about myself is that I am at ease around women. The flip side of that perhaps is that I’m too easily lonely.

I refuse to masturbate except under extreme circumstances.

This policy evolved over time, and I do follow it. So let’s define “extreme circumstances”. First, for whatever reason, I find myself without a regular sex partner. Perhaps I’m traveling, or in the first few painful days following a breakup. But this is the key: if there is any opportunity for sex with a female companion, I have no interest in cranking an orgasm out.

The simplest analogy is that with an old-time boxer preparing for an upcoming fight. The wisdom was that the testosterone was needed to defeat another man, and it shouldn’t be wasted. Yet my ‘upcoming fight’ is sex-related. I’m saving that drive for its real purpose: to find a woman to have sex with. I refuse to reduce the sensitivity of the shaft, and I will not underestimate the power of the sperm coursing through my testicles.

If I masturbate, I’m lazy. I start to associate sex with pictures, or movies. Place it in the realm of fantasy. And sex is no fantasy… it is the realization of life. It’s everywhere, and my masculine sex drive is one of my defining characteristics as a human being.

So I save it. I resist the impulse. I store up that precious sticky warm life and let it just percolate inside my balls. It gets so bad under a dark moon that my nuts begin to ache. I’m walking around trying to look normal and if my sack brushes my leg, there’s a concussion of pain that I keep to myself.

I own that pain. Breathe it out and look around. There are more beautiful women in Southern California than I could ever fuck in 1,000 lifetimes.

I’m saving this life force for them. Saving it to remind myself to look around. Smile. Talk to women in checkout lines. Just waiting for that glint of recognition that she knows what I want, and she’s happy to give it to me.

… And when I get that release, it’s primal. It’s animal. It’s earned and it is intense.

Raymond Burns is an esoteric indie film professional living in Los Angeles. Raymond is a social animal who loves every inch of the female form. He comprehensively appreciates the quiet aftermath of a woman’s orgasm. He hangs a bit to the left.

Cheating Women: The “New” Infidelity

March 27, 2010 Cheaters, Culture 1 Comment

Since we’re on a roll with cheating here at Sex and the 405, we thought we would bring up this oldie but goodie from Details magazine, which explores the cheating habits of the human female:

“There are a lot of reasons why women cheat now, and the simplest is that they can,” says Diane Shader Smith, the author of Undressing Infidelity: Why More Women Are Unfaithful. “Nowadays women have jobs. And if they’re home, there are gardeners, there are pool men. They have opportunities and they feel empowered.” They also feel sexual. And while your prowess with a Dyson is commendable, it’s hardly titillating.

Make no mistake: Women can be just as driven as men are in pursuit of a fling.

“Women have become, in many ways, as predatory as men,” says Judith Brandt, the author of The 50-Mile Rule: Your Guide to Infidelity and Extramarital Etiquette. And the prey is abundant. We grew up with the bejesus scared out of us by Anjelica Huston in Crimes and Misdemeanors and Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. The libido-withering moral was clear: It’s just not worth it, man. But where’s the male equivalent? Your wife’s potential playmate probably has no interest in annexing your emotional territory.

And he’s accessible: Today’s wife knows nothing of the isolation of her mid-century counterpart. She has Internet chat rooms and cell phones. She has personal trainers, yoga instructors, and mommy groups.

And here’s another one from their archives that we found amusing — “Look Who’s Sleeping With Your Wife”:

If you think your wife is going about her daily routine—exercising, working, shopping, taking the kids to after-school activities—without encountering guys who want to sleep with her, you’re delusional. She’s being hit on all the time. Take the yoga instructor. He’s the modern equivalent of Warren Beatty in Shampoo, and his core strength—and genuine way with your wife’s Kundalini—isn’t lost on her. Then there’s that brooding, troubled ex she gets a drink with every now and then. This guy makes her feel needed—in a way that’s very different from the way you do when you get home from work and tell her all about your lousy day. The other men she interacts with daily—the stay-at-home dad down the block whose daughter is friends with yours, the boss who so generously gives her flexible hours, the twentysomething soccer coach who looks at her like she’s a 21st-century Anne Bancroft—have a hold on her affection simply because they’re around when you’re not. And what all of these men have in common is that they present a refreshing alternative to, well, you.

“I see more women who cheat than men,” says Tina Tessina, a psychotherapist and the author of The Commuter Marriage: Keep Your Relationship Close While You’re Far Apart. Barash estimates that close to 60 percent of married women have had extramarital sex.

“With men’s affairs, it tends to be not enough sex—with women it tends to be not enough attention and interaction,” Tessina says. According to [Susan Shapiro Barash, the author of A Passion for More: Wives Reveal the Affairs That Make or Break Their Marriages], most women feel an “unrelenting need for romance and excitement.” And they’re not getting them in the half-hour they spend flipping through magazines while you watch The Daily Show every night after the kids go to bed.

Panicking yet boys? Considered the playing field leveled. You’re welcome.

Image and articles from Details.

Why Men Cheat

March 26, 2010 Cheaters, Culture 1 Comment

Cheating is so in this season. The rags and TV can’t shut up about it. We haven’t heard anything like this at Sex and the 405 since the Tickle Me Elmo.

This is from an anonymous piece on April’s Esquire:

I’ll tell you why I cheat. I need to. Infidelity makes me remember things. The details that expand to fill my life (my upcoming performance reviews, the aches and pains of training, the recovery of my 401(k) ) and the ones that deaden it (my guilt, my smug self-satisfaction, my fake epiphanies about my progress in this life) —all of that drops away when I look down at the naked spine of an unfamiliar woman, twisting slightly in the late-afternoon sunlight streaming onto the sheets of a Hampton Inn in some nameless suburb. This is the most absolute choice I can make. I am there on my own. Against every code, rule, and set of mores I pretend to obey. Against better judgment, against every lesson of hindsight and every shard of wisdom that comes with age, I have no regrets in that moment, because I am naked, or without pants, and I have chosen to be there. I have voted by my presence, declared it, and I feel the blood moving in me again. So it’s the blood. That’s who I am. That’s why men cheat.

We heard that when our editrix read this piece, she cried. We don’t entirely believe it, but, wow, imagine that.

Image and article from Esquire.

Emo on Craigslist Missed Connections

March 25, 2010 Culture, web No Comments

We at Sex and the 405 occasionally search the Craigslist board for little tidbits you might find amusing. We’re pretty jaded assholes, so rarely do we have any offerings for you, but every once in a while, we find something worth bringing back.

Maybe we’re lonely, but this ad made us unnecessarily emo.

For heaven’s sake, people, can’t you try to keep it slutty and light? We’re trying not to notice how tragic we are to be scouring these boards at four in the morning, kthnx.

Ad from Craigslist.

Maxim’s Cheater’s Guide

March 25, 2010 Cheaters, Lessons No Comments

We happened to stumble on some notes for one of our editrix’s columns in the newsroom today (at least we hope they’re notes for a column, and not something she’s actually using in her personal life, in which case, whoops!). It’s a summary of Maxim‘s March issue’s article: “SEX: CHEAT & DON’T GET CAUGHT. Women Tell You How.”

“Famous men aren’t the only cheaters. According to a recent MSNBC poll, one in five people in a monogamous relationship has a side piece – and that figure includes women. Yet you never hear about female betrayal in newspapers and tabloids. Why? Because we’re better at hiding it.”

The article lists seven tips for avoiding exposure, summarized as follows:

  1. Switch the gender: Everyone snoops, even if it’s only a casual glance when a text comes in, so change the gender of your paramour to avoid suspicion. And change the phone settings if you have a phone like an iPhone so the content of texts don’t pop up as you receive them. “If she sees a message from ‘Steve’ that reads ‘I want you inside me,’ you could have some ‘splainin’ to do.”
  2. Hackproof your life: If you have had the same password since there was e-mail and use it for all your sites, you are leaving yourself open. Rather than changing your password (changes can be so suspicious), the best bet is to create a whole new account for your affairs. And you need to remember to log out of it every time you use your computer.
  3. Be available: There is no tip-off like dropping off the face of the earth, so be good about answering your phone, even if it’s just to send a quick text to let them know you’ll call at another time.
  4. Take it to the grave: People talk. Resist the urge to share. When it comes to affairs, there is no “sisterhood” or “bro code.” It’s every man and woman for themselves.
  5. Choose wisely: “Perhaps the single most important factor in having your affair go unnoticed is choosing a girl who won’t – or can’t – throw you under the bus.”
  6. Don’t date your fling: “Fuck, don’t date,” the article quotes Mara, a 30-year-old financial adviser. “Don’t meet up for coffee, don’t confide in each other about your lives, don’t even exchange numbers if you can avoid it. Just fuck.” The article adds: “Emotional involvement makes you more susceptible to slip-ups.”
  7. Don’t overcompensate: “You should preserve the status quo in your relationship. Don’t suddenly start lavishing your girl with gifts.”

Curious? InfidelitySupport scanned the article. Click to read page 1 and
page 2.

Article via InfidelitySupport.

Facebook To Blame for Syphilis Outbreak?

March 25, 2010 Culture, Health, News, web No Comments

First, it was divorce. Now, researchers at National Health Service in Britain have decided that Facebook is behind the fourfold increase in cases of syphilis in Teesside, Durham and Sunderland.

Director of Public Health Peter Kelly told the Telegraph that social networks are “making it easier for people to meet up for casual sex.” Hence the increase in cases of syphilis.

As Mashable reported, the connection between the sexually transmitted disease and Facebook is a stretch. We at Sex and the 405 stand behind their suggestion that institutions in the affected areas need to shift their focus from assigning blame and work on educating the public about sexual health.

Information via Mashable.

Can’t Say “Vagina” on TV

March 24, 2010 Advertising, Culture 4 Comments

Kotex has decided to tackle ridiculous advertising for tampons with a brilliant campaign called U by Kotex.

This campaign is the first step for Kotex in addressing how we talk about menstruation and vaginal health as a society.

“Society has created shame and embarrassment around periods and vaginal health, which restricts honest dialogue and information sharing and compromises a women’s ability to take ownership of her personal care,” Aida Flick, Kotex brand director, tells Marketing Daily. “With the launch of U by Kotex, our goal is to change the conversation and to help women understand and be comfortable with their femininity and bodies.”

Not so fast, Kotex. Major television networks are banning the ad due to the use of the word “vagina.”

According to the Guardian:

Even when the company substituted “down there” for vagina, two [of the three objecting major] networks [which have not been named] still wouldn’t run the ad, so the company was forced to drop the idea altogether. That provoked Amanda Hess, author of The Sexist blog, to observe: “Now, the commercial contains no direct references to female genitalia – you know, the place where the fucking tampon goes.”

An executive for Kimberly-Clark, the owner of Kotex, notes that US TV networks have no such compunction about references to “erectile dysfunction” in prime-time ads for Viagra and Ciallis.

The New York Times reported that the campaign — produced by the advertising agency JWT for tampon brand Kotex — was “a bit too frank” for U.S. TV. Merrie Harris, global business director at JWT said: “It’s very funny because the whole spot is about censorship. The whole category has been very euphemistic, or paternalistic even, and we’re saying, enough with the euphemisms, and get over it. Tampon is not a dirty word, and neither is vagina.”

The video on this post is the amended version, which debuted on TV last week.

Information from the Guardian.

Must Have: Berlin Red

March 24, 2010 Art, Culture, Fashion No Comments

New York City’s Neue Galerie and Estée Lauder have come together to create a work of art you can wear: fire-engine red lipstick inspired by the painting Portrait of Dancer Anita Berber by Otto Dix.

“Berlin Red” invites the mind back to the sensuality of the 1920′s Berlin and the “life without dilution,” as Dix described it. There is nothing quite like mixing beauty, art and history.

Naturally, our editrix sent out an order as soon as she heard about it (that’s right, this is totally free product placement, imagine that).

“Life’s a cabaret, baby,” she says. “Let’s kiss.”

Image of painting from About.com. Information from Vanity Fair, via @the_red_shoes.

Autocorrections That Win

March 23, 2010 Culture, lolz No Comments

From “I want to suck your duck” to “go to he’ll,” our iPhones sure know how to kill the moment. Our favorites come from Twitter’s Kevin Thau and our editrix herself.

To give some context to this one, PR pro Nicole Jordan was inquiring about what was taking our editrix and Causecast correspondent Melissa Rowley so long to arrive at a get-together. (Noming is lolspeak for eating, FYI. Oh, and lolspeak is the language of the cat macros. Oh, never mind, we tried.)

Got more lolsy auto-corrects? Send them in!

Prom Canceled After Teen Requests To Bring Same-Sex Date

March 23, 2010 Freedom, News No Comments

Things are getting heated in Mississippi, where the American Civil Liberties Union is suing in the U.S. District Court to force the Itwamba County school district to sponsor a prom they canceled following the request of a lesbian teen who wants to take her girlfriend to prom.

The teen, Constance McMillen, had requested permission to bring another girl to prom and wear a tuxedo in December. McMillen was forced to ask because same-sex dates have been banned in the past.

Schools Superintendent Teresa McNeece and school board Chairman Eddie Hood testified before a judge that the discussion to keep from sponsoring the event had started before McMillen’s request came to their attention, due to liability issues such as alcohol- and drug-use at a school-sponsored event.

They did admit McMillen’s challenging the ban on same-sex dates had caused disruptions at the school and that this had had some bearing on the decision to call off Itawamba Agricultural High School’s prom on April 2.

District officials say their decision to cancel is suitable “after taking into consideration the education, safety and well being of our students.”

ACLU attorney Kristy Bennett disagrees and told the court that the district was violating McMillen’s First Amendment rights and that it was the decision to cancel the prom — not McMillen’s request to bring her girlfriend — that caused the disruption at school.

McMillen herself says the district’s decision has resulted in hostility toward her on campus.

U.S. District Judge Glen H. Davidson is hearing the case and while he has not specified when he will rule, he has noted how pressing an issue this is. We’ll keep you posted.

Information from WDSU News.

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Sex and the 405 is what your newspaper would look like if it had a sex section.

Here you’ll find news about the latest research being conducted to figure out what drives desire, passion, and other sex habits; reviews of sex toys, porn and other sexy things; coverage of the latest sex-related news that have our mainstream media's panties up in a bunch; human interest pieces about sex and desire; interviews with people who love sex, or hate sex, or work in sex, or work to enable you to have better sex; opinion pieces that relate to sex and society; and the sex-related side of celebrity gossip. More...